David Paterson's office is denying rumors that the New York governor is planning to resign following a hugely unimportant sex non-scandal that isn't not currently about to not break.

I'm sorry, but that's really the most concise way to explain this…

New York Gov. David Paterson's office made the rounds to major news outlets Monday to shoot down rumors the governor is planning to step down in the wake of a "bombshell" New York Times story about to be published that is so scandalous he can't politically survive it.

The governor is reportedly expected to do an interview with the Times on Tuesday, but his staff insists there's no there there.

So, there's nothing for Paterson to discuss with the New York Times, and that's what he's presumably planning to tell them when he sits down to discuss things with them? I don't know about you, but I'm putting my money on there being a there there.

What is the deal with Albany? I had no idea that place was such pit of debaucherous.You'd never guess it from actually being in the town. When you're actually sitting in that place, you feel like you're where Happiness goes to nurse its sorrows at an Applebee's bar.

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Submitted by Beth.

Jack Murtha — often lovingly referred to as "The Manatee of the Congress" — has, unfortunately, passed away this afternoon…

Rep. John Murtha (D-Pa.), 77, a Vietnam veteran who staunchly supported military spending and became a master of pork-barrel politics, died today at Virginia Hospital Center. The 19-term lawmaker died from complications of gallbladder surgery…

He was revered among Democrats — and even some Republicans — for his skill in using the power of the federal purse to make kings and deals. A right-hand man of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, he was considered one of the most influential lawmakers on Capitol Hill and credited with her ascension.

Although this is certainly a sad day, let us try to think of the positive side of things. Like, for example, he'll never have to serve in the House of Representatives ever again.

It's nice to have Kelly — The Onion's editorial cartoonist — around to put everything into perspective.

All comically histrionic things must end, and the National Teabagging Convention is no exception. This past weekend saw the dramatic conclusion to the politically-right-of-right-of-right's first ever national gathering, and as the rest of the world struggles to make sense of the writing on the wall (and the hand), let us honor the noble patriots who attended and contributed their guttural yelps to the national conversation with this collection of Stephen Colbert's best Tea Party moments…

Tax Atax

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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