Indecision Forever | Political Humor, 2010 Election, and Satire Blog

As President Obama convenes Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palistinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas for another round of sure-to-be successful peace talks, Indecision looks back at the last time an American president succeeded in bringing peace to the Middle East.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm/10c.

That distant Acela Express whistle and faint smell of roasting Delaware in the air can only mean one thing: Biden fever is spreading.

Catch it September 8 when he helps Stephen Colbert kick off his two-day-long salute to America's fighting men and women. This will be Stephen's first-ever interview with a sitting vice president, so don't miss it for something stupid.

Watch his interview on The Daily Show from 2009 and set your TiVos.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Julian Assange may look like a James Bond villain, but he swears up and down he didn't touch any ladies in the bad way. In a video interview with some wacky Swedes, Assange strongly denies the claims of two Swedish women who reported that he sexually assaulted them…

As I have said before, there was clearly a smear campaign, and who was behind this, we do not know. Now, whether that turns out to be a smear campaign done by a couple of people for personal motives or ideological motives, or that is larger and involves geopolitical concerns, or whether it is a mixture of all those, we do not know, as I said at the time, until we have clear proof I will not be making clear allegations. But we do have a lot of circumstantial, suggestive material — a great deal.

Asked if he had anything to say about the two women who reported him to the police, Mr. Assange said…

My cultural values are to protect people’s private lives and to never criticize women. I think that is correct and I will continue to do that in this case.

Soooo… is that a nice way of saying, "I didn't rape those chicks, but we definitely consensually humped?" Or is it a nice way of saying, "Look, free speech heroes are ALLOWED to get hornaaaaay, amiright? Shit was hella consensual, bro!" It does seem more than a teensy weensy bit suspicious that these terrible accusations would just HAPPEN to arise after three of the world's biggest newspapers just HAPPENED to publish a story based on 90,000 pages of documents that just HAPPENED to be posted on Assange's website.

Is that a conspiracy we smell… Or is it the scent of whatever weird hair product Assange uses to get that pale semi-but-not-quite blond hue? The world may never know.

The nine-year anniversary of 9/11 is right around the corner. Have you gotten your 9/11 shopping done? Better hop to it, because the lines at those tchotchke bodegas around Ground Zero are gonna be crazy long on the 10th.

Anyway, as the big day approaches, we're gonna see more and more people on the TV recounting their memories from that day. Like, for example, this guy…

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Wait, what?! He's a Muslim?! That bastard! He spent that whole commercial tricking me into feeling empathy for him, to relate to him on a human emotional level as though he were a fellow American whose rights and feelings are worthy of consideration, and then it turns out he's just a Muslim?!

I think that's very disrespectful. I'm sorry, I know we have the First Amendment and all and it gives everybody the right to free speech, but I just think it's downright insensitive of those Muslims to go around talking about their experiences 9/11. Especially so close to the nine-year anniversary. Some things are just sacred.

Okay, okay, okay. I will begrudgingly admit to liking this voter registration commercial just released from the conservative Trigger the Vote. Maybe a little because the main guy kinda reminds me of a low-rent Kenny Powers, and a lot because Chuck Norris is barely in it and doesn't try to be funny and I don't have to look at his face for too long…

Yay! Kind of funny conservative commercial and very little Chuck Norris! That is the good kind of kind of funny conservative commercial. (In case you haven't guessed, I am strongly opposed to the beatification of Chuck Norris.)

Hey, here's a Chuck Norris fact: Do you know what's behind Chuck Norris' beard? A sad childish fading action star who was always kind of second rate and shitty to begin with.

I can totally see why you'd rather have her than all those worthless immigrant terror babies or whatever.

And you know what the worst part is? You're totally gonna vote her in again, aren't you?

Keep up the good work, Grand Canyon State!