What is a lieutenant governor, anyway? Apparently he's the guy you call when your real governor gets caught spending thousands of dollars on call girls. And amidst the scandal, New York's lieutenant governor David Paterson — who gets his promotion on Monday — is poised to make history as the state's first black governor.

So Barack Obama, who is widely rumored to be a black man himself, called Paterson to offer his congratulations…

"He knows I'm committed to Sen. Hillary Clinton," Paterson said this morning outside his Capitol office.

Ouch. That must've hurt. But you know what hurts more? A bloody, futile massacre that leaves its participants' bodies mutilated and defiled beyond recognition.

Asked if there were any scenario in which he would switch his support to Obama before the Democratic presidential nomination is decided, Paterson said, "Absolutely not. When I sign up to support a candidate, it's to the end. I actually supported Custer, but I did leave right before the attack."

In other words, Hillary, if you see David Paterson running, you might want to run with him. Also, if Obama's supporters start wearing warpaint to their rallies, you should probably call for reinforcements.