John McCain barely survived General Petraeus' Senate testimony yesterday. No, he wasn't attacked by anti-war protesters (they just yelled at him). He endured something far worse: the pair of lethal stun lasers that are permanently affixed to Hillary Clinton's face.

[I]t is a posture that Barack Obama must be painfully familiar with by now after 20 debates with Hillary Clinton: The Stare. Today, it was John McCain's turn to feel those wide blue eyes boring into him as he spoke up manfully for a deeply unpopular war in Iraq. The senator from Arizona did not last the morning.

Of course he didn't. How could he? Hillary, that cunning laserist, amplified her powers by propping her chin in her hand and refusing to blink. It is a miracle she didn't leave singe marks on the Senate chamber wall.

In this undeclared war between the candidates, there was no stronger weapon at Clinton's disposal than the Stare. In the first Democratic debates, Obama seemed visibly uncomfortable with being the object of Clinton's gaze, and avoided eye contact.

But there were nine ageing white males between McCain and Clinton — including his great friend and fellow supporter of the Iraq war, senator Joe Lieberman — which perhaps diluted its power.

Yes, only a doughy mass of ageing white males can block the deadly impact of Hillary's Stare.

That is because its energy comes from her vagina.