Indecision Internationale: London Mayoral Election – Boris, the Village Idiot
Tired of American politics? Then why not look overseas and take solace that it's not quite as insane as the London Mayoral elections? Some limey named Rich Johnston is still holding our hand through it all.
As Arnold Schwarzenegger prepared to address the UK's Conservative Party Conference, he caught the mop-haired Boris Johnson in full flow. "He's fumbling all over the place," judged The Governator. And it's easy to see Boris as a foolish anachronistic muppet with as much business in politics as a syphilitic whelk. But it's also very hard to actually dislike him.
Once upon a time, his name was Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Educated at Eton and Oxford, he was a member of The Bullingdon Club, famed for wrecking dining establishments, then thrusting a large wad of cash in the aggrieved owner’s face.
Boris lasted less than a week as a management consultant before going into journalism, where he was sacked after fabricating a quote from his godfather. But exploiting his contacts, he became a political writer and editor. His bizarre bumbling appearances on the nearest thing the UK has to the Daily Show, "Have I Got News For You" brought him instant fame.
As a Conservative politician, he was fired from his position after lying about an extramarital affair with a fellow journalist. Other affairs as well as his quibbling over the cost of an abortion came to light but no one ascribed malice to his actions. The public decided Boris must have accidentally tripped and fallen into a lot of women.
And desperate to find a popular challenger to two-term incumbent London Mayor Ken Livingstone, The Conservative Party plumped for Boris, the man who had said "Voting [Conservative] will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3." A tape of Boris colluding with a convicted fraudster to assault a journalist, repeatedly calling black people "piccaninnies" and admitting to cannabis and cocaine use did not damage him. After all, none of it could have been his fault. Not bumbling Boris.
Right now it looks like Boris will win. Hell, he could admit to anally raping the Pope and still get away with it.
In the next installment of Indecision Internationale, you'll meet Brian Paddick.
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The "piccaninnies" thing is an allegation by uber-leftist Rod Liddle. There is no evidence he used it in conversation. He used it as a form of satire in a piece likening Tony Blair to a 1950s colonial tourist. He has repeatedly apologised for any unintended offense caused by that article. It does not come anywhere near comparison to Ken Livingstone's rampant anti-semitism, where he refuses to apologise for his deeply offensive remarks because his targets "deserved it". And in some cases he then goes on to lie about them:
http://dizzythinks.net/2008/04/livingstone-claims-to-be-able-to-see.html
The last resort of a leftist is, of course, to brand all of their opponents as racists (whether they deserve it or not). Today it even emerged that Ken supporters are handing around leaflets in Bengali that claim Boris would scrap the Koran! If that isn't desperate then I don't know what is! (Not to mention his Labour cronies going round telling old pensioners that Boris will scrap the Freedom Pass – Boris won't, but knowing his record on this kind of thing, Ken probably will! "Only some ghastly, dehumanised moron would get rid of the Routemaster buses.")
Incidentally, Paul Merton is a friend of Boris' (my mate saw them hang out at Lords cricket together), and I suspect he does not actually hold the above view. (Also note Ian Hislop's two requests for the audience to vote Boris the next week.)
Sorry-an upper-class twit is not fit to be Lord Mayor of London. Only people from Monty Python's Flying Circus are intelligent enough for that position!
Boris is wonderful – a breath of fresh air in the boring world of politics – a rare person who speaks his mind and actually has an opinion and is not afraid to say what he thinks. I hope he does win the Majoral elections – we need someone like him in a high profile position. Plus – he is HUGE entertainment value! I love him!
Only David Brooks at the NYTimes could resurrect nostalgia for the Middle Ages. Boris may have a shot after all.
Lets hope he doesn't win, I, and any other Londoner with sense shall be voting Livingstone.
Nooo! Boris will bring international humiliation to London. Racist, Homophobic (he compared Gay marriage to marrying a dog), and with no experience of running anything bigger than a niche magazine team of under 50 people, he cannot run a diverse city of 7 million people.
I love stories about Boris!!!
He's a moron but a cute one. If you haven't seen it watch "The Full Boris" episode of the british news panel show Have I Got News For You.
As Paul Merton said "I think Boris Johnson is the man to lead [London] back to the 17th century!"
"Bizarre?" We've heard about a tryst with a sheep named Michelle.
http://sgtpepperpolitics.blogspot.com/