With Bruce Springsteen coming out in support of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton maintaining her stable of middle-aged divas, it seemed like John McCain was going to have to make like his Republican forbearers and piss off John Mellencamp in order to rustle up a campaign song. That is, until Senator Orrin Hatch came to town.

The Salt Lake Tribune reports that the distinguished senator — who, amazingly, is a platinum and gold-certified songwriter for this Lindsay-fied Christian pop ballad he co-wrote for Jaci Velasquez — has written what he hopes will be McCain's official campaign song.

A few lyrical excerpts:

Together forever
America is the country we all love
We believe our destiny
Comes from god above
Let's link our hands for all to see
Our country's majesty

Alright. Vintage Hatch so far…

Hey John
Say John
They're gonna hit you hard with ev'ry thing they've got

Hey John
Come on
They'll be calling you
Everything you're not!

Strange as this may sound, I can confirm it. In fact, I was reporting from DNC headquarters when Howard Dean's staff began compiling the 88 quadrillion-item list of everything John McCain is not. Look for Barack Obama's first general election ad to slander McCain as "an existentialist," "[The Bob Newhart Show's] Marcia Wallace" and "a hippogriff."

As Indecision's recently self-appointed temporary music critic, I should probably come up with a few ways to describe the song as everything it's not. "Not trite" comes to mind. Also, "not weird." But, hey, who am I to knock it around when the review so far has been 100% positive:

Hatch says the song should get good reviews.
"It has been very enjoyable to write this song, and I think most people will like it."

This makes perfect sense coming from Hatch. As a sitting senator, most of the people he knows suck.