BREAKING: John McCain Campaign Memo Leaked To Indecision 2008
(The following is a reprint of a McCain campaign internal memo leaked to Indecision 2008 just moments ago).
To: Senator McCain
From: Stephen Hollings, Vice Presidential Search Committee Chair
Re: Your Appearance on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
As you know, your interview with Jon Stewart tomorrow is a once-in-a-campaign-cycle opportunity to connect with young voters, over 40 percent of whom, according to a recent CBS/NY Times poll, continue to confuse press coverage of your campaign with an extremely long funeral retrospective. If there's one thing young people consume these days, it is entertainment. And what better way to get them to take their seats aboard Straight Talk Express (in an orderly, quiet fashion so as not to wake you from your nap, of course) than to announce that your "vice president" will be somebody from the world or popular entertainment? It could even be somebody imaginary! Because, of course, you will be kidding, but then why else would you be on a comedy show?
We had our youngest intern hang out in his son's dorm room and watch a couple hours of television to get on the game. He prepared a short list of potential "candidates." Write these on a big blue index card, so you don't forget.
Tracy Jordan
A character on NBC's popular sitcom 30 Rock, played by Brian Fellows, known for doing wacko things, like exposing his belly. Be careful, though. He's Jeremiah Wright black, not Dr. Huxtable black.
Borat
Nobody, I repeat, nobody is funnier than Borat. He reminds me of a young Yakov Smirnoff.
The Dell Kid
He's young, he's handsome and he has a great handle on technology. If this is your choice, wait 'till Jon asks you the veep question. Then slam your fists on the desk and say, "Dude, you're getting a vice president!" "Dude," by the way, means "fellow" or "cad." I have talked with the rest of the campaign, and everybody is willing to suspend the edict against you slamming your fists on desks for this joke.
Chris Klein
A hot young star who's only getting hotter. He is what we call a double threat — he was discovered working out in a gym, which means he works out, and he lost his virginity in American Pie, which means he has had sex. Just say, "No homo, I would love to see him with his shirt off." This will drive the young women in the audience crazy. Also, it will prove that you are not a homo.
The Cast of Taxi
If there's anything young people love to do more than work out and have sex, it's laugh. And who better at making the laughs flow than the best ensemble cast in television comedy history. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure Borat is Latka Gravas' son. You'll win more Borat points for mentioning that.
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The funny thing about a fart is, it's shit without the mess.
The combination of Colbert and Stewart is enough to send a girl batty! OMFG! HE with the boyish looks, and him with the stern all American way! I agree Harmony, totally Orgasmic. I would love to do one with the other.
I personally have never had a 3some, but if I did, being a chick, I could do Colbert and Stewart. Like I do every night. WOW!
Some men like details.
Why is it that every guy never asks every girl what her ultimate fantasy is? 2 chicks and 1 cup? Fuck that….. I wanna do 2 guy and 1 girl! Sorry Mandi and Serenity…but I rather do Colbert and Stewart.
LOL to Harmony! I would rather do two men if I had to do a 3some too, but had anyone every asked me? Noooooooo… Colbert and Stewart would be the best combination. And I would love to wake up to that. Mweaorw……..
LOL to me.
" A better selection for Big Macs running mate would be Charlie Harper(aka Charlie Sheen)Of Two And A Half Men. He is old enough to assume the presidency if needed, yet still a younger man, and he has all the attributes and proper behavior to fulfill the office of Vice-President. Plus you could always count on a plethora of eye candy at press conferences.
Harmony, If you've seen 2 chicks 1 cup and lived through it, not only would I like to know your fantasies, but I'd put a fucking ring on your finger. (the clean finger though)
*please don't shit on my folks at the wedding. gentiles are fine, but they against cups.
It all would be so funny if he didn't promote the War and will try to win for the next 100 years. The damage and pain and suffering is immeasurable from the last 8 years…
I love a laugh more than anybody…, both Stewart and Colbert and more, But let's not all be complicit for the next 4. Stop hiding the caskets, take care not to deplete our youth by war, get the Gitmo guys lawyers and trials, fix our problems -smartly, and stop making more trouble around the world. It's not really a joke. Sincerely Joanne