If you haven't yet heard about Barack Obama's little "Jewish problem," all you really need to know is that, if he were elected president, he would be a terrible, terrible person for the Jews.

Not like that nice man, Adolf Hitler, who did God's will by forcing those lazy Jewish people into getting off their butts and moving to Jerusalem.

Wait a minute! Why did I just write something so disgustingly horrible, wrong-headed and patently ridiculous?!

Oh, I know why. Because I have to write about American politics, and therefore it's my job to write about the ridiculous things that people like John Hagee — senior pastor of Texas' Cornerstone Church, not to mention good friend and supporter of John McCain — say.

I hate my job…

Going in and out of biblical verse, Hagee preached: "'And they the hunters should hunt them,' that will be the Jews. 'From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.' If that doesn't describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can't see that"…

And that might be offensive to some people but don't let your heart be offended. I didn't write it, Jeremiah wrote it. It was the truth and it is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel."

So, God sent down the angel Adolphael to give his chosen people a subtle little nudge toward the Promised Land, huh?

Where to start? Oh, how about here: Fuck you!

That said, this guy is clearly an asshole, but that doesn't make John McCain an asshole by extension, just as Jeremiah Wright's asshole-ness doesn't make Barack Obama an asshole.

John McCain and Barack Obama are perfectly capable of being assholes all on their own, thank you very much.