Joementum for Pastor Hagee

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Item! The Pages have exciting news for all our readers attending the Reverend John Hagee's "Christians United for Israel Conference" next month! There will be a special guest speaker in attendance, and no, it's not hunky faith-rocker Scott Stapp. It's the Senate's gift to facial droop, Joe Lieberman (I-CT)!

Now if Pastor Hagee knows three things about God, it's that the Man Upstairs sent Hurricane Katrina to New Orleans to stop a gay pride parade, Hitler to Europe to herd the Jews toward Israel, and now Joe Lieberman to the D.C. Convention Center to pack Hagee's own conference like The Great Whore on Christmas Eve!

And true to prophecy, Joe has agreed to headline the event, where he's slated to roll up in his Joemobile PT Cruiser, chastise Barack Obama, advocate the bombing of Iran, and lead the audience through a rendition of "Let's Go Joe!", the theme song to his three-way tie for third place in the 2004 New Hampshire Primary!

If there's one person who could benefit from some eleventh hour Joementum right about now, it's Hagee, who was recently given the Jeremiah Wright treatment by Senator John McCain. Enter Lieberman, an acclaimed Wall Street Journal editorialist, a new media pioneer with YouTube, and the author of Amazon.com's 2,787,833rd bestselling book, which is a thorough and passionate discourse on the topic of — you guessed it — himself!

All of which leads the Pages to an appeal. We're asking for one or more of our readers to sponsor us with a scholarship to this conference, so that we can personally cheer Joe on during his keynote address. We had originally intended to get in by winning Pastor Hagee's student film contest, but then lawyers informed us that our movie idea had already been taken by Mel Gibson.

So to make our dream a reality, please send any love offerings to the Senate Page Rapture Fund, courtesy of this website!