…You Might Be a Muslim
Barack Obama has launched a website called Fight the Smears, in which he strikes back against the negative jabs that get thrown his way. The site includes a section refuting the rumor that Obama is a Muslim. Counter-refutations have started to surface, including this handy guide we found in the bathroom at Swifty's Swiftboatery Inn and Swiftboatorium:
* If you greet your wife fist-to-fist instead of open palm-to-open palm, you might be a Muslim.
* If you want to turn the USA into a terrorist paradise with universal terrorist healthcare and college tuition credits for every terrorist, you might be a Muslim.
* If you have ever not punched a gay person you totally could have punched, you might be a Muslim.
* If you lob inspiring platitudes like hand grenades, you might be a Muslim.
* If you have talked to a Muslim, you might be a Muslim.
* If young people aren't immediately revulsed by your craggy, translucent skin and creepy old man giggle, you might be a Muslim.
* If you go to a Christian church that has a crazy pastor, you might be a Muslim.
* If you're black and running for president, you might be a Muslim.
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If you're a woman and are walking several paces behind your husband, father, brother, or male relative no matter how young, you might be a Muslim.
If you're at a store looking at checkered or white scarves, you might be a Muslim.
If you aren't Republican, you might be a Muslim.
You might be a Muslim if you are Jewish with a stereotypical nose and forgot to shave.
If you eat donuts dressed like Rachel Ray, you might be a Muslim.
If you comment on the Political Indecision Blog, you might be a Muslim.
I'm a Muslim, you're a Muslim, he's a Muslim, she's a Muslim, wouldn't you like to be a Muslim too?