…You Might Be a Muslim
Barack Obama has launched a website called Fight the Smears, in which he strikes back against the negative jabs that get thrown his way. The site includes a section refuting the rumor that Obama is a Muslim. Counter-refutations have started to surface, including this handy guide we found in the bathroom at Swifty's Swiftboatery Inn and Swiftboatorium:
* If you greet your wife fist-to-fist instead of open palm-to-open palm, you might be a Muslim.
* If you want to turn the USA into a terrorist paradise with universal terrorist healthcare and college tuition credits for every terrorist, you might be a Muslim.
* If you have ever not punched a gay person you totally could have punched, you might be a Muslim.
* If you lob inspiring platitudes like hand grenades, you might be a Muslim.
* If you have talked to a Muslim, you might be a Muslim.
* If young people aren't immediately revulsed by your craggy, translucent skin and creepy old man giggle, you might be a Muslim.
* If you go to a Christian church that has a crazy pastor, you might be a Muslim.
* If you're black and running for president, you might be a Muslim.
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If you think carpet bombing Afghanistan might be morally questionable, you could be a muslim.
If you are a finely woven cotton with a flowery print you may be … wait, that's muslin.
You psychologically mess with others- you might be a Muslim.
You say that you are Christian but your means are questionable, degradable and demeaning and you believe in taking away someones basic rights and civil liberties- you might be a Muslim
If you enjoy killing someones spirit inside and taking away their laughter- You might be a Muslim
You have no time to help someone so they lose trust in you- you might be a Muslim
You have a personal agenda which includes forcing an individual against their will because YOU know better- You must be a Muslim
You believe that it is your way or the Highway and you take away a person's basic individual rights- You must be a Muslim
If your religion is younger than Christianity, you might be a Muslim.
You believe in subdue and submit so that it changes a person's out look on life and they become a good little cookie cut zombie- You must be a Muslim