July 4 at 11:12AM
BREAKING: Jesse Helms Passes Away on The Fourth of July
Conservative Senator Jesse Helms from North Carolina passed away at 1:15 am in Raleigh NC today at age 86 according to the Jesse Helms Research Center.
No details surrounding his death have been released. The Senator announced in 2001 that he would not seek a sixth term in 2002 [Watch the Daily Show's coverage of Helms' announcement].
As a tribute, here is a Moment of Zen from 2001 featuring the late Senator Helms.
UPDATE: The New York Times reports that the Senator died of "natural causes" and was "very comfortable."
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Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: You bastards.
I hope someone takes a picture of "Piss" Helms' reaction that he's being denied entrance into heaven and will be going straight to the seventh circle of hell. Or, at least, photoshopped.
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A fitting memorial — http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2008/07/05/jesse-helms/
Media discusses racist history, but not his hushed-up daughter by black maid.
Holy sweet Jesus fark! Is this some kind of practical joke? The Devil getting in one last laugh on us, letting the guy hang on until the wee hours of July 4th before kicking off and going to the hot place to meet his old friend Strom Thurmond? It's not funny. Not one bit.
I'd like to see the look on Jesse's face when he finds out that George Carlin has taken over St. Peter's job at the Pearly Gates.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCcoXp8SEiA
Maybe MC Hawking will finally get some airplay…
http://www.mp3-download-lyrics.com/music/MC-Hawking/Why-Won-t-Jesse-Helms-Just-Hurry-Up-And-Die-_183246.html