Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Start Your Engines! So much for John McCain's plan to wrap up the Earnhardt Family vote by the time of the Tums QuikPak 500! Roll Call, the newspaper of Capitol Hill, has broken the news that Barack Obama plans to "make it to a NASCAR race if the schedule permits" this summer!

This pseudo-commitment is a direct play for a traditionally Republican voting bloc — plus the chance to inhale exhaust at the track would be like a whole week of cigarettes for the addicted Illinois Senator!

NASCAR was never of much interest to past Democratic contenders. A mere glance at Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) told you he was more of a Formula One guy, and Jimmy Carter couldn't even get the presidential limo through the line at the gas station. Bill Clinton did make an appearance at Darlington Motor Speedway in 1992, but he was received like Alan Dershowitz at a "Passion of the Christ" screening. Still, Obama is his own man, and by appearing at NASCAR events, he'll force McCain to reallocate key funds he'd previously apportioned for fiber.

To retaliate, McCain could try to turn the tables by courting traditional left-wing voting blocs, possibly by performing abortions at Volvo dealerships. Or he could fight back for the NASCAR vote by expanding his nuclear power initiative to include race vehicles. Such a policy would not only counteract his rival's gains, it would also provide a huge financial boon to the insurance industry, another bastion of GOP support!