Top Five Moments from a Libertarian President's First 100 Days
January 31, 2009: President Bob Barr orders Iraqi troops home by end of February, but gives the contract for transporting them to Southwest Airlines. The troops are asked to give up their seats and wait for the next available flight.
February 4, 2009: Marijuana legalized in the United States. Unfortunately, the money windfall in taxes is diverted to pay for a massive Cheetos and cupcakes subsidy.
March 2, 2009: President Barr approves a bill allowing airport vending machines to offer bullets of all calibers for the convenience of passengers to load their guns before boarding a plane. The NRA continues to call Barr "soft" on the issue of assault rifles in carry-ons.
March 23, 2009: Public school system sold to Disney, McDonald's and Revlon Corporations. Fat, sexy American children now number one in world in amusement park technology knowledge.
April 30, 2009: President Barr moves offices to shitty Industrial Park that's near the good bagel place. White House converted to awesome White Castle franchise.
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Don't get me wrong, Rev. I'm not defending the Libertarians. I'm defending potheads. Marijuana decriminalization is an important issue to me, but it's not gonna happen as long as mainstream society judges us all by some mindless burn-out they knew in school. Trust me, that guy had more going on than just weed.
If anyone has a problem with that, I invite them to take some perfectly legal Valium, and wash it down with some perfectly legal bourbon, and leave me the hell alone.
@Dethanos-You emphasize the groovy aspects of libertarianism. Paternalism is for parents. That's just a sliver. Putting aside the logical flaws inherent within it, Bob Barr doesn't serve it any justice. He's an asshole. Sadly, there is no party of reasonability. Aside from my switch of vote to Paris. The Paris party. Like you don't want in.
Cheetos and cupcakes? What kind of low-budget, amateur potheads do you know? Personally, I tend to go for a charcoal grilled new york strip or ribeye, with a fully loaded baked potato. Burgers or sausage will work if I'm feeding a crowd, and if I can't fire up the grill, I can make some pretty damn good chili. Of course, one of the guys I smoke with is a vegetarian and a marathoner, so we usually have to throw a few veggie burgers in the mix, but I'm not one to judge someone for what they choose to put into their body.
…..even if I do live in a society of drunks, gluttons, and sex addicts.
I won't satirize libertarianism. It's a philosophy espoused by those in need of a lobotomy.
Dear TheInDecider/Comedy Central. Mocekry or satire of a subject such as Libertarianism requires that one does know enough about Libertarianism to mock/satire it. And kudos on those photoshop skills; spent about as much time on the pic as the article.
You forgot April 15: Sends every American a check for $100,000 as a down payment on returning all the tax money the government stole from you throughout your lifetime. Sells all Federal assets at auction to raise the cash.
This is hilarious. There's only a couple things I would've done differently:
Feb 4 – Libertarians don't believe in subsidies. I would've also focused on snack foods, but would've highlighted how a snack food shortage had spawned gangland turf wars over the convenience items.
March 23 – Naturally the public schools belong to state and local governments. This item should have discussed something else entirely.