Tennessee's 1st Congressional District primaries are shaping up to be a much less exciting flashback of Gore and Bush's Florida battle of 2000. Did I say "much less exciting"? I meant "much, much less exciting."

Republican Rep. David Davis (his middle name, I assume, is Davig) lost the Republican primary last Thursday to upstart Phil Roe, a OB-GYN of thirty years and the mayor of Johnson City (known as the West Palm Beach of Tennessee). The margin of victory was exactly 500 votes, which, even in a Tennessee congressional primary, is really close. So, Davis is pushing for a recount…

"Due to such a narrow outcome, we feel that it is very important to take the time to consider whether there may have been any irregularities that may have affected the outcome of this primary election," Davis said in a statement.

"It has come to our attention that there may have been some outside groups who sought to improperly influence the Republican primary," he added. "The Republican voters of the 1st congressional district know that this congressional seat is too important to do anything but look at this very closely. My campaign believes we should take an opportunity to explore all of the factual information and options."

Translation: "There's no frickin' way that I lost to some limp wristed Johnny-come-lately whose big claim to fame is groping around in some vaginas and pulling out a bunch of placenta-covered sub-humans. I'm taking this thing all the way to the Supreme Court. Bitch."

Regardless of the outcome of the recount, it's unlikely that the seat will fall into Democratic hands, since Tennessee's 1st district has voted Republican every year since 1881. That's even more consistent than South Carolina's record of voting for the late Strom Thurmond (1894 – present)!