We're only two weeks away from the political party conventions: that magical time when choirs are preached to, foregone conclusions forewent, and thousands of patriotic balloons showered onto the sweaty. But with any luck, a much less horrific scenario (like a mushroom cloud or supervillain's freeze ray) will decide the future leadership of the world first. So whether you're planning to take refuge in a city a mile above the ground, or inside a mall the size of a military base, here's a critical plank to look forward to in the Apocalypse Party's platform:

SIGN: Retired Republican Congressman Jim Leach of Iowa endorses Obama.

WHY THAT'S A SIGN: Stunning betrayal of pro-Life principles by an Iowan prompts the angry emergence of the Unborn Fetuses of the Corn. Factory farm equipment grinds them into the corn, triggering a worldwide taste for cannibalism.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Global food crisis averted as humans "look to themselves" for sustenance. Americans play a key part, being deemed both "most succulent" and "least able to run away."

WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: Bennigans' fortune is revived with the introduction of its new appetizer, "Those-Who-Used-to-Consume-Poppers Poppers."

Take the APOCALYPSE '08 PRESIDENTIAL CHALLENGE now!

Each week, Daily Show writer Rob Kutner, author of the book Apocalypse How (on sale now!), reminds us that the world is about to end…and why we should be psyched.