Catching Up With a Loser: John Edwards
Hey, did someone tell former Sen. John Edwards (D-NC) that he was next up in our chronologically-ordered Presidential Loser Series? Because he really could not have made our jobs any easier this past week!
Edwards grew up in North Carolina as the son of (note: this is only for people who have literally never heard him speak before) a mill worker. Edwards repeated this point ad nauseum, even declaring that his own personal dream job would be working in a mill — which, needless to say, left him no choice but to run for President.
Edwards campaigned on a five-planked platform:
* His father worked in a mill.
* There are two Americas.
* It was a textile mill.
* You didn't know about his affair yet.
* Well, OK, his father was technically the foreman … but seriously, a mill!
Edwards also took the bold stance of being against Hurricane Katrina, only regretting that it hadn't hit Iowa, which would have really simplified his campaign.
And while Barack Obama was busy securing the endorsement of Bruce Springsteen, Edwards — the poor man's Obama — got the nod from John Mellencamp, who conveniently enough doubles as the poor man's Springsteen. Mellencamp's fans, clearly moved, responded by booing Edwards off an Iowa stage.
Edwards performed decently in the primaries, dominating among Democratic voters who thought the historic moment had arrived to elect a white man to the presidency. But then on January 30, 2008, Edwards suddenly realized he had less than a month to pick out a gift for his alleged illegitimate daughter's first birthday, prompting him to quickly suspend his campaign.
Now with word of his affair spreading to the mainstream media, Edwards' political career seems finished. In fact, as a point of unity, the Democrats might be best served by doing away with him once and for all — possibly with a much overdue send-off at the old mill!
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[...] try to bring in a heavy hitter from the national party to drum up excitement. We understand that John Edwards has an open schedule. So does Mike Gravel. But even those guys are going to be pretty tough to [...]
cody: for good poetry, rhyming isn't enough, you have to follow a rhythm, too. Not that I could do any better… i gave up on poetry a long time ago.
It would be hard to find a politician of equal self absorption than Mr. Edwards….he did not for one moment think of the consequences of his duplicitous behavior….he came off this run as an angry man who really does not care about the poor and unfortunate…if you do not care or respect a dying wife how did such a flawed man expect the country to trust him. I hope he experiences the hurt and pain he has caused so many…
Andrew Young of the John Edwards story: The arrests for worthless checks, DWI, burglary, criminal mischief, the federal tax lien
webofdeception.com
John Edwards talked about Dad's mill,
While sleeping with a chick off the pill,
He lied and fibbed to the MS press,
And, awoke early to preen and dress.
His wife, Elizabeth, knew the lie in 2006,
But supported John in Iowa while sick,
They stole Hillary's honest votes daily,
And laughed on cue, and hiding Rielle.
Now John's betrayal is common news,
And Fred Baron has money to lose,
Rielle, now nursing, has jetted away,
Even ABC and CNN have joined the fray!
John's affair has hurt his poor kids,
More than Clinton's cigars ever did,
A sordid tale that some call a crock,
The only winner, a loser named Barack!
Like dogs in heat, Edwards did pant,
Defined forever, just like Hugh Grant,
Tabloids paid to get the sleeze,
Is it John's baby, mister please?
John and Elizabeth add to brood,
Baby mama is no way a prude,
Gone are the days of Tom Sawyer,
Gettin' love like a real trial lawyer.
yeah, use someones personal life to trash their politics. Edwards was and still is the best voice for working people in this country.
I'm glad he ran. Poverty and economic inequality wouldn't have been as big an issue if he hadn't.
He sacrificed his career for his fight against economic inequality.
John Edwards spoke prose about the mill,
All the while meeting a chick off the pill,
He lied and lied when asked about the rumors,
But continued to meet her and drill, drill, drill.
I volunteer to start the festivities at the Old Mill.
Totally
I agree