Qualifiers offered by John Edwards for why he cheated on his cancer-stricken wife:

* "The woman I cheated with wasn't that hot! I could easily have gotten someone much hotter!"

* "I made sure she never touched the hair."

* "It would have been rude not to."

* "I got her to wear a LiveStrong bracelet."

* "At least she was age-appropriate."

* "Only one of us was married."

* "There's a good chance our baby will grow up to become a cancer researcher."

* "Technically, I was helping a single mother."

* "We always tipped room service very generously."

* "Can we talk about the plight of the working poor for just one minute? No?"

* "I was an extremely selfless lover."

* "I was also at the hotel for a free breakfast."

* "Hey, at least I'm not the one who got her pregnant! That was just a guy who works with me."

* "My wife has cheated on me many times, mentally."