If you weren't one of the relatively few people lucky enough to spend hours waiting in the hot sun to get into a crowded stadium to kind of hear Barack Obama's speech over the cacophony of frenzied Democrats and were forced instead to watch it from the comfort of your living room couch, then here's an extra special gift for you.

Now you can experience BHO's coming out party exactly as Michael and I did…

There were no shortage of people set up every five feet along the line, prepared to sell us useless junk. Which came in really handy, as Michael had foolishly left our stuffed Obama doll back at the hotel.

This woman would not let me take her picture unless I bought a pin. Now that's an understanding of free trade. She must have been a Republican.

They were giving out free bottles of water by the truckload. Literally. I drank about twelve. And then I burned the plastic bottles, allowing their chemicals to escape into the atmosphere, so as to not create any litter. I'm an environmentalist.

I'm pretty sure these people were in line for Obama's acceptance speech, though I'll bet at least a few of them thought there was just a run on Whoppers.

One of the people waiting in live with me and Michael. I have nothing funny to say about her. She was nice.

Here I am, at my utmost happiest: Waiting in an eternal line on a hot Denver afternoon with credentials that may or may not get me inside. But I have Hope.

This woman was selling socks that she herself had designed, to make up for the appalling absence of Obama-themed footwear. Only 1,200 pairs in existence! Collector's items!

Eventually, the line moved down off the street and into this parking lot, where it would snake up and down and up and and around in a kind of Moebius Strip kind of way, giving the illusion that we were actually getting closer to Mile High Stadium.

I was really intrigued by this sticker that said "Make Out Not War" for some reason.

Democrats did this.

You can't see it, but the guy just off to the left of this picture had a human head on his stake.

Just when we thought we were actually getting near the stadium — about an hour into the wait — the line took a left turn to go take a whiz in the alley way behind this building.

The $2.00 "Obama Water" was soooo much better than the lame free water people were giving away just around the corner. I think it's because it was infused with Change minerals and Obamalytes.

Yes. That's a cardboard effigy of Barack Obama inside a pneumatic tube. Your guess is as good as mine.

My favorite part of the line was when we got to hike down this mountainside. That was really fun until Michael was attacked by a billy goat.

I have a feeling this guy was making some kind of political statement. Or he mistakenly thought he was at the RNC.

From what I could see from a thousand miles away in the parking lot, Al Gore's speech really kicked ass.

Eventually — counter to everything I was beginning to believe about life and existence — we did manage to get into the security tent, where they made us go through a magnetic gate and empty everything out of our pockets so that they could touch it all with their fingers before we went in.  I'm sure that must be effective on some level.

…and then we ran as fast as we could to the stadium.

Turns out our seats were really high up. Towards the top, I started to feel dizzy.

I don't know who these people think they are, waving American flags at an Obama speech. Don't they know that this is Sean Hannity's America?

This woman was giving away American flags… for free! Apparently, she thinks our flag is worthless. (What more proof do you need that Barack Obama is a socialist.)

That's me, trying to fit in by pretending to love America along with with everyone else pretending to love America. They were some pretty awesome seats we had.

Yep. Amazing. (I think that smudge down there is a person.)

The Denver Bronco's mascot: A gigantic plaster-encased horse. I heard that it's the job of the men up there to feed it through a straw twice a day.

Michael on the Blackberry, twittering our LiveBlog. (I hate almost everything about that sentence.)

Of course Fox News was there on the floor. You could smell their stand all the way from our seats.

It was nice getting to watch Joe Biden speak on television.

Did you see this guy's sign on TV? We were sitting right behind him!

The 80,000 people in attendance were completely rapt by this guy, whoever he was.

And we had a fantastic view of the back of his head.

Despite my initial fears, a relatively few number of Obama supporters began feasting on human blood as the sun began to set.

By the time Barack Obama came onstage, it was so dark that this was the best picture we could take of him. (That's me, thinking about Hope.)

I know a lot of people say that Barack Obama isn't ready to lead America, but I was really able to see him as a pretty authoritative figure.

Despite the rarefied air way up in the stratosphere where we were sitting, we were actually able to make out a little bit of Obama's speech. My favorite part was when he said whatever it was that made the entire audience applaud approvingly, shriek uncontrollably and stamp their feet until it felt like the stadium was going to collapse. Not the 17th time that happened, but, I think, the 33rd time. Yeah, that was a good point he made.

When the speech ended, fireworks started going off about twenty feet above our heads, and at first we both almost had heart attacks — Michael because it was really loud and shocking, and me because I only eat food made from pork or beef and that happens to me from time to time.

After the initial explosion, they started going off in a succession around the perimeter of the stadium, and every time we could see them coming back our way, we held our ears and braced ourselves. We were literally getting singed by burning tatters of spent explosives. The sky was full of so much fluttering paper confetti, I was certain it was gonna catch fire and we'd all burn to death.

It was awesome.

As soon as Obama was finished speaking, Michael and I — and practically everybody else in the stadium — left as quickly as possible to try and avoid having to watch the benediction. It was pretty chaotic, marked by no little amount of cursing and shoving. (I have no pictures of this, because I was too busy cursing and shoving.)

Eventually, near the final exit, we were met by the obligatory throngs of sign-wavers. I was one of approximately four people who stopped to read their inspiring messages of hate.

This guy's signs, if you can believe it, were even sillier from from the front.

I told you.

Ron Paul was, of course, represented.

Amongst all the signage on display, this was my favorite. (Steak, potato and egg? Now, that's a burrito I can believe in.)

Despite my general asshole-ish commentary, Michael and I are actually very grateful to Scott and Todd for hooking us up with this chance to witness such a historic moment first hand.