We, again, somehow managed to score passes to an event that we never ever in a million years should have ever never been allowed into. Last week, it was a breakfast meeting with Jon Stewart and every important journalist ever born.

And, this week, it was a panel discussion/free gourmet lunch with a bunch of ridiculously important conservative politicians/thinkers set up by the National Journal. (Food, for some reason, is a recurring theme at these things.)

Essentially, the event consisted of us and a room full of conservatives in well-tailored suits eating an expensive meal while U.S. Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings (of the "No Child Left Behind" Spellingses), White House councilor Dan Bartlett, House Minority Whip Rep. Roy Blunt, former Chief Deputy Majority Whip Rep. Eric Cantor, and John McCain's Senior Policy Advisor Douglas Holtz-Eakin talked about why John McCain is so wise and just.

Here's some actual things that these great minds of the Grand Old Party actually had to say about their not-quite-yet-official candidates (with minimal editorializing on our end)…

* Roy Blunt says that McCain has two modes: Crossing the aisle to get things done, and not compromising on anything. Which means he lacks a mode in which he works with his own party. But that's not an insult.

* John McCain will be the first president in thirty years to have substantial congressional experience. Which this year counts as experience.

* John McCain didn't study at all in school. That makes him really, really smart.

* Most elected officials like to maintain peace within their offices. John McCain likes to start fights and hurt feelings. That's a good thing.

* We are going to hear the "Environmentalism is now a value, not an issue" meme a lot more in the coming weeks/years/minutes.

* No one has ever met Sarah Palin. No one.

* According to Roy Blunt: "As unpredictable as McCain is, he's actually quite predictable," which, as indecipherable as that is, is actually quite decipherable.

* John McCain will almost certainly have Democrats in his administration. (Joe Lieberman doesn't count.)

* Rush Limbaugh may or may not like John McCain as a president, depending on the day of the week.

* John McCain will DEFINITELY seek a second term. (Unless he doesn't.)

* Sarah Palin is, or at least could be — or at the very least it's conceivable to imagine some universe in which she'll be — a serious of contender for 2012. Or, failing that, 2016.