GOP Delegate Drugged, Robbed While Attempting Tryst
War-hawk delegate by day, horny robbery victim by night.
That's the tale of Gabriel Nathan Schwartz at Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul. One minute, the Colorado delegate is bellowing for permanent war. The next, he's drugged in a hotel room minus $120,000 worth of cash and bling.
Here's how Schwartz spent the day of September 3rd…
* Appears in a mid-afternoon interview with LinkTV.org. In it, he announces he's voting for McCain in hopes of "less taxes and more war." Smiling, he repeats "more war" for added emphasis.
* Asked what he would do if he were commander in chief, he replies he would start a war with Iran and "bomb the hell of them from the sky," adding that they could also be defeated "with a slingshot."
* Shares his financing plan for this Iran war: "We should plant a flag. Take the oil, take the money. We deserve reimbursement."
* Sends his message to those protesting the convention: "Get a job."
* At this point, the American Douchebag Guild interrupts the interview to declare they have renounced Schwartz.
And then later that night…
* Schwartz checks into the Hotel Ivy, a $319 dollar per night hotel several miles from where the rest of the Colorado delegation is staying.
* He picks up a single woman in the hotel's bar and invites her to his room for sex.
* The woman fixes Schwartz a drink and tells him to undress.
* Hours later, Schwartz awakens in a haze. The woman has stolen his wallet, a $30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a $5,000 necklace, $4,000 earrings and a $1,000 Prada belt.
* The American Douchebag Guild reappears to laugh so hard they wet their pants.
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Poetic Justice!
Everyone point and laugh at the Colorado GOP delegation!
"Hello. …. Oh, hello, Gabriel The Son Who Never Calls…. Never mind. Who cares how I am? Especially from sons who never call me! …. You need what? Two thousand dollars?!?! THIS! from The Son Who Never Calls!! Why do you need two thousand dollars? …. Your wallet got stolen, the one with all those thousands I have told you a million times not to carry around God-forbid it should get stolen, and NOW, now it's stolen. What did I tell you? ….. HoooHooo, listen to who doesn't need a lecture from his mother. So, why not pawn that fancy watch? … Stolen,too? What about the ring and the other jewelry you spend all of your hard earned money on? … GONE TOO?!? Gabriel, what happened to you?? … A good looking woman …. in a bar … some drinks in your room…. (long pause) …. Tell me, was she Jewish?"
After the Straighttalk Express finishes backing over Carly Fiorina and that Blackberry guy – they'll go find this guy.
Dude – your bad night isn't over yet!
does this mean he said he had $60,000 in his wallet?!
Colorado voters must be so proud – the ridiculous rhetoric, war mongering and whore mongering in the span of a few hours, all probably leading up to trying to blame the democrats for the mess you've gotten yourself into – - do I have to ask if he is contrite or shameless?
This guy is a delegate? I just wish whoever robbed him had the guts to beat him to an inch from his life. I am glad tho that he did get robbed. Obama should use this as a political advantage…somehow.
Wow…a fanatic, obnoxious, right-wing war-monger… how is he still single?!?
So far – this is the single funniest election moment. And there have been a lot of them.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I don't know what's funnier – the $4,000 earrings or the fact that this moron had a vote at the convention.
The ADG is gonna have to pass me the towel, 'cause I think I need to clean up, too!