Federal prosecutors have decided that with all the killers, rapists and lobbyists clogging up our jails, there just isn’t any room for disgraced former U.S. Congressmen who tried to get all sexy with online teens.

In other words, Mark Foley is a free man…

Former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley isn't expected to face charges after a lengthy investigation into his lurid messages to underage congressional pages, two federal law enforcement officials told The Associated Press on Thursday…

They said neither state nor federal charges were expected, although an FBI investigation has not been closed yet.

Foley, equally known for chairing the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children and for typing the line "well I have aa totally stiff wood now" to a teenage boy, will face no penalty apart from being forced to resign from Congress, being outed to his family by Sean Hannity, and becoming a nationwide punch line.

The news will come as a relief to AOL, which has seen overall usage plummet, and may have faced bankruptcy without the traffic generated by Foley.

It will also be a relief to Larry Craig, John Edwards, Jeremiah Wright, Phil Gramm, Carly Fiorina, Geraldine Ferraro, Kwame Kilpatrick, Bristol Palin + Levi Johnston, O.J. Simpson, the entire St. Louis Rams football team, and Rudy Giuliani– who can all take heart that, no matter how bad it gets, there’s still someone walking the streets even more embarrassing than they are.