Eh, Canada: We Are Suspending This Feature Because of America's Economic Crisis
Today's joking look at the Canadian federal elections has been suspended because America faces an historic crisis in its financial system, and this is no time for joking looks at Canadian federal elections.
We are going to wind up beating each other with our bindle-sticks as we fight for scraps in the bread line, Tories and Grits and NDPs and Greens and the BQ and Democrats and Republicans and Libertarians alike (although Ron Paul's people are probably halfway to their safe caves already), so we should come together in extremely heightened anxiety.
We should not be poking fun, however gently, at Canadians.
Eh, Canada will return when a bipartisan plan to restore America's economic security has been signed, sealed and delivered to the world. I'm told that will happen very soon, but until I see it in writing, I will not say a word about the Canadian election.
I will not, for example, mention Tory Lee Richardson's inflammatory remarks about immigrants. I'm not going to mention that at all, because this feature, in which I might mention that, has been suspended.
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That's Canada, eh?
In Canada, to see Comedy Central clips, go the CC website and you should be directed straight to comedycentral.ca.
The best two things about Canada is us not being able to watch Comedy Central clips, and that I'm being sarcastic.
"Bush Doctrine: Activate!" I nearly peed my pants.
Can you please wait until after our federal elections to wage war? If your recent history is any indication, going to war would mean being stuck with a conservative government, because somewhere along the line we've confused being assholes with having balls.
You know what's good for curing a Depression?
War.
War with Canada.
It time to put ol' US of A on a war footing, get our economy humming again and show our patriotism.
For those of you who doubt we have cause let me point out the following: Canada has amassed 90% of their population with 50 miles of the US Border. They are prepared to attack at any moment. The threat is immanent! Bush Doctrine: Activate!
Further, it is well documented that their center of power speaks French. Need we say more?
Nothing will distract us from the current credit market crisis faster than: War!
For those of you who worry about the cost of war with Canada, be assured. Canada has vast resources of natural and mineral wealth that can be used to pay for the war: lumber, oil shale, access to the arctic oil fields, 1/3 of the world fresh water supplies.
Wake up! Do not be shy about giving it to those who call themselves Americans without allegiance to the USA.
For the good of our economy, for the good our children, for the good of our nation: to War!
"We have ways of making you pronounce the word out." Back of eh. Here are the future leaders of a Brave New World.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4KTebUT6Mw