September 25 at 4:00AM
The Colbert Report: John McCain Suspends His Campaign So He Can Fix the Economy
Stephen can't think of anything more presidential than suspending your presidential campaign.
Will John McCain help the economic meltdown by returning to Washington, or is he just avoiding the debates?
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How about a great idea!
This will NEVER happen – makes too much sense!
I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college – it’ll be there
Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car – create jobs
Invest in the market – capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance / health care improves Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 (vote buy) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let?s bail out every20adult US Citizen 18+!
As for AIG ? liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.
Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion
We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .
And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,
Birk T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it’s either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!
McCain tying to delay the debate is merely his impusiveness being revealed. He is obviously very intimidated by the fact Obama did not capitulate to his demands of having "town hall" style debates. He has said many times in the recent past, including his Curic interview last night, making one of hs two standard "fall back" answers. If he does not fall back on his POW experience, he falls back on how different the campaign would be if only 'Obama agreed to town hall debates'
Kannon – your math is way off. $85,000,000,000 / 200,000,000 –> $425; not $425,000!!!!
Uh, Kannon…
"So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00."
That's $425. NOT thousands. Pretty much covers my cable bill for half a year.
Try Excel or a calculator next time.
Kannon, you forgot to carry a 1 or something. 85 billion divided by 200 million is $425.00. I can't do much with that, but I wouldn't turn it down.
I believe this is the perfect excuse for him to delay the debate which in my opinion, "Obama is going to tear him apart". This is impressive! The way the government goes in to save the Billionaires and nothing for the people that are loosing their homes, 401k, Etc. If we bail them out we should also ask for all the CEOs, Vps among others of these companies for their resignation or better yet. Their termination of employment. Shame on them!
By the way. Congratulations on your EmmyColbert! You deserve it!
Kannon, do the math. You are so far off it's pathetic. 85,000,000,000 divided by 425,000 is 200,000. that's 5% of the people in Los Angeles. Not the total number of adults in the US. Unbelievable ignorance from the peanut gallery. People are not taking seriously the cost of no bail out.
That's some pretty bad math there, buddy. Best send your application to wallstreet immediately.
@Kannon
Only one tiny bitsy problem with your plan, 85 billion / 200 million is $425 not $425000… would've been nice though.
Quit picking on McCain. Just because he can't always remember certain minor details, like the difference between Sunni and Shiite, or that there's a country between Afghanistan and Iraq, everybody wants to poke fun at him. He's old, give him a break.