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September 26 at 12:28PM

John McCain Saves Economy, Beats Barack Obama in Tonight's Debate

POSTED BY: Dennis DiClaudio

Hurray! The economy must be fixed and we must all be rich millionaires, because John McCain is going to debate tonight!

Senator McCain has spent the morning talking to members of the Administration, members of the Senate, and members of the House. He is optimistic that there has been significant progress toward a bipartisan agreement now that there is a framework for all parties to be represented in negotiations, including Representative Blunt as a designated negotiator for House Republicans.

The McCain campaign is resuming all activities and the Senator will travel to the debate this afternoon. Following the debate, he will return to Washington to ensure that all voices and interests are represented in the final agreement, especially those of taxpayers and homeowners.

Thank God we got that taken care of, huh? And all due to John McCain's superhuman powers of sitting in a room with a bunch of bickering assholes.

And not only that, but get a load of this.

After awesomely healing the nation's money woes with his awesomeness, he flew up into the sky and circled the Earth really fast a whole bunch of times until he literally sped up the planet's orbit — thereby making time go forward somehow — so that he could debate Barack Obama already.

And wouldn't you know it, but he won the debate that's scheduled for later on tonight…

"McCain Wins Debate!" declares the ad which features a headshot of a smiling McCain with an American flag background. Another ad spotted by our eagle-eyed observer featured a quote from McCain campaign manager Rick Davis declaring: "McCain won the debate — hands down."

Don't believe it? Just check out this ad his campaign already made in the future…

See that? You don't smile victoriously in front of a Photoshopped flag like that unless you know you're the shit.

  1. Michelle, not my bell: Considering his father was from Kenya, and last I checked Kenya is in Africa… I can see why you're voting Republican. You fit into the line of short buses of Republicans. And of course, now that your groovy fallacious and xenophobic geographical argument has been vaporized, I'm sure you would like to argue the Earth is flat.
    Further, because Eve was tempted by the serpent, and we ought adhere to the Founding Fathers intentions, you really have no say in the matter.

    by Cube September 27th at 4:38PM
  2. I normally don't blog, but being 1 yr. older than McCain, I actually felt sorry for him. He's so out of touch it makes me question the Republicans selecting him and his pick of Palin really makes me laugh. That they think women would vote for her in place of Hillary…I was a Hillary supporter, but Obama is the right person for the right time. He's got so much class!!! I think if the Reps get in again, I'll take off for Canada.

    by Dorothea September 27th at 4:48PM
  3. SHOULD WE BE IN FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF "CHANGE"?

    People voted for CHANGE in 2006
    Remember the election of 2006? It was only 2 years ago.
    If you don't, let me refresh your memory.
    I Thought you might like to read the following:

    After the present DemocRat Congress assumed power a couple of years ago, it proceeded to block every effort to address corruption within its own ranks by instead focusing on tarring and feathering the Republicans, with the complete conniving of the friendly media.

    A little over one year ago:

    1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
    2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
    3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.
    THEN..,
    Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 (now, the lowest rated Congress in the history of the US as far as voter confidence), we have seen:

    1) Consumer confidence plummet;

    2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $4.00 a gallon;

    3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);

    4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);

    5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;

    6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

    America voted for CHANGE in 2006, and we got it!
    So, what is the slogan of B. Hussein ObSama? Are we ready for more of that?

    Let’s now examine the role of ACORN and the DemocRat surrogates embedded at Fannie and Freddie – now working as ‘advisors’ to the ObSama campaign – who enabled this MASSIVE VOTER-FRAUD CREATING group favorable to their interest to thrive, through massive funding as well. Shall we?

    WITH THE PROSPECT OF CHANGE SUCH AS THE ONE THE DEMOC-RATS HAVE ALREADY BROUGHT ABOUT, WHY DON'T WE JUST BECOME A SUBURB OF ZIMBABWE – Now there's another competent colored guy who can run a country into the ground after being put in power by leftist agitators and a friendly world media

    by NoBamaNotEver September 27th at 5:03PM
  4. SHOULD WE BE IN FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF "CHANGE"?

    Now that you have spewed your wacky opinion of how it's all the Democrats fault that we are in this economic mess not to mention how it is the "Colored Peoples" that have engineered the decline of civilization—Why don't you write about how you would fix the problems of the USA??? I'd like to hear your constructive ideas!

    Don't forget to include comments about YOUR VP Palin.

    by McPAINwilllose September 27th at 6:42PM
  5. A lot of name calling for such a high intellect no vile attacks kind of guy Mr. nobama. Also a short memory for who was still in office vetoing the kind of legislation that could make a difference. Bush and a Republican congress got us into all this. Eight years ago things looked a lot different. But I forgot a blow job offends your sensitive morals. Lying a country into war and the resulting murder of thousands of American soldiers and citizens of Iraq does not. Interesting morals, I must say. Good luck with your continued preaching to people who actually can think.

    by George September 27th at 6:49PM
  6. Quit using our songs NoBamaIsWronga. The taint on David Lee Roth is wiser than you.

    by VanHalenForever September 27th at 7:03PM
  7. I don't understand why people assume that John McCain is weak on the economy when he can call upon the Keating 5 at any time for economic advice.

    by Larry September 28th at 1:54PM
  8. LMFAO. Yeah, Bush is single handedly responsible for everything that has occurred in the entire recorded history of mankind to date, obviously, because he is the current President of the US. Give me a break. If he was really that powerful you would be kneeling before your King or face being drawn, quartered, and then beheaded for treason or just because he doesn't like you.

    People who say Bush is responsible, or "the Republican Party" is responsible, have their heads up their butts. It's so easy to blame one person for all of your woes. It's no wonder you're all Democrats. Democrats make it their life goal to whine and moan about how they need big bro to take care of them and when they aren't doing so hot, they blame anyone they can shake their knobby, dirt encrusted welfare finger at. When they are doing well, they take all of the credit themselves. You Dems make me want to puke.

    You want to know who is responsible for our lot right now, this moment? YOU and ME and everyone else. We all contribute to the collective government. That is how DEMOCRACIES work. If you just sit around bitching about how someone gave you the shaft and look for the next person to point your stubby fingers at, you get what you deserve. The Republican motto is: Deal with it. If you die, you die. If you do well, you do well. The consolation prize is that either way, you have no one to blame but YOURSELF. It's about taking responsibility. Bush didn't do it. Maybe he contributed, but he didn't do it all by himself.

    by ResponsibleRealist October 1st at 11:15PM
  9. LMFAO. Yeah, Bush is single handedly responsible for everything that has occurred in the entire recorded history of mankind to date, obviously, because he is the current President of the US. Give me a break. If he was really that powerful you would be kneeling before your King or face being drawn, quartered, and then beheaded for treason or just because he doesn't like you.

    People who say Bush is responsible, or "the Republican Party" is responsible, have their heads up their butts. It's so easy to blame one person for all of your woes. It's no wonder you're all Democrats. Democrats make it their life goal to whine and moan about how they need big bro to take care of them and when they aren't doing so hot, they blame anyone they can shake their knobby, dirt encrusted welfare finger at. When they are doing well, they take all of the credit themselves. You Dems make me want to puke.

    You want to know who is responsible for our lot right now, this moment? YOU and ME and everyone else. We all contribute to the collective government. That is how DEMOCRACIES work. If you just sit around bitching about how someone gave you the shaft and look for the next person to point your stubby fingers at, you get what you deserve. The Republican motto is: Deal with it. If you die, you die. If you do well, you do well. The consolation prize is that either way, you have no one to blame but YOURSELF. It's about taking responsibility. Bush didn't do it. Maybe he contributed, but he didn't do it all by himself.

    Oh, unless of course you don't consider yourself a part of the collective government, We the People, if you aren't one of us, your opinion doesn't matter anyways, so go back into your hole while my tax dollars pay for your disgusting, vile existence.

    by ResponsibleRealist October 1st at 11:17PM
  10. Umm… Martin? Anyone home? George Bush the 1st was not President for 8 years, smart guy. Another Dem with their facts crooked. I would get upset, but I am intelligent enough to realize that when you live for handouts from the people you cannot be expected to have the same education, the ability and tenacity to read written works meant for those who care to learn from those who came before you and therefore gain wisdom beyond your years, the same capacity for reason, nor have the ability to even comprehend what it must be like to be one of the PROVIDERS, IE: those of us who sustain your meager existence on this planet with our own hard work.

    Again, you make me want to puke. THere has to be another word for you, since I don't consider people who think that way as adults part of the same Human race that I am a part of. You are something less, subhuman. A pet.

    by ResponsibleRealist October 1st at 11:29PM
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