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11:14 - Okay, Rachel Maddow's on the television. I have to go now. Once she's talked, the coyote and I have to open up a second bottle of absinthe and head off on our vision quest.

Oh, and I need to buy cigarettes.

But, please, keep up the conversation.

11:08 – CNN's instapoll has Obama winning this debate 54 to 30.

54 to 30!

Jesus!

14 24 points! WTF? Update: I'm even worse at math then I am at spelling. Jesus, what am I good at?

11:05 – From the comments: "Teddy Roosevelt was my hero. Teddy Roosevelt was my friend. You sir are no Teddy Roosevelt." – Ian C

11:00 – georgia10…

"This "town hall" (and I put "town hall" in quotation marks because this was really like a glorified press conference) was boring, lusterless, and lacked any headline-grabbing moments. There was no winking here and no snappy comebacks. There was no real "smackdown" moment, no instance where any candidate scored anything more than small points in small fashion.

And that mundaneness, that ordinariness of this forum, is dangerous for McCain.

It's dangerous in that McCain needed to shine tonight. He is down by double digits in key battleground states, and poll after poll is suggesting that we may see a landslide in November."

10:59 – "John McCain, when he smiles, has an almost menacing quality." – Chris Matthews.

10:57 – Andrew Sullivan…

"This was, I think, a mauling: a devastating and possibly electorally fatal debate for McCain. Even on Russia, he sounded a little out of it. I've watched a lot of debates and participated in many. I love debate and was trained as a boy in the British system to be a debater. I debated dozens of times at Oxofrd. All I can say is that, simply on terms of substance, clarity, empathy, style and authority, this has not just been an Obama victory. It has been a wipe-out.It has been about as big a wipe-out as I can remember in a presidential debate. It reminds me of the 1992 Clinton-Perot-Bush debate. I don't really see how the McCain campaign survives this."

10:52 – From the comments: "Heather means rule through intimidation, contempt, and sex appeal." – LoLa Lamar

Oh, well, then clearly, John McCain was the Heather.

10:51 – The focus group on MSNBC is down in Philadelphia.

The coyote says, "Go, Phillies!"

To be fair: I say, "Go, Mets!" Oh, wait. Sorry, Mets fans.

10:50 – Man, that cigarette felt good.

Oh, by the way, Cube finally gets a comment up for the night:

"This debate was lame. No clear winner. No bump either way. If anything, it just shows how soft McCain is for not mentioning Ayers. He has to send out Palin to do his dirty work. To me, that shows a complete lack of testicular fortitude."

10:36 – The coyote says that Cindy McCain is a Heather.

Again, anyone know what that means.

Man, it sucks to be on a spiritual journey like this.

10:35 – Brokaw's using a teleprompter?!

There is no god.

10:32 – So, what John McCain doesn't know is what's gonna happen here and there, up and down, now and then.

Wow, that's deep.

I thought his answer would be how to program a digital alarm clock.

10:31 – The coyote, by the way, says hello to Upma and Clay.

10:28 – "What don't you know, and how will you learn it?"

Yikes.

10:26 – Don't touch touch the crowd, McCain. It frightens people.

10:25 – Cheri Oteri looks bad!

10:24 – Come on! Yes or No!

I want my answers nonsensical and overly simplistic.

10:23 – Yes or No!

10:21 – The coyote asks: "What are they doing to make those people in the background not react in any human way?"

My guess is talk about policy.

Has anyone mention Bill Ayers yet? C'mon! I have no brain, bit I'd also like to engage in this debate.

10:20 – Jesus! How many time time is McCain gonna use that seeing "KGB" in Putin's eyes line?

It wasn't convincing the first time he said it.

10:19 – See that? Obama won't admit that he was wrong about the Iraq war being an amazing success?

Shame on you, Hussein!

10:16 – Again. McCain knows how to get bin Laden, but won't tell us unless we elect him.

10:14 – Holy shit! Look at McCain's temper rising up through his collar.

10:12 – "If we're gonna have follow-ups, then I'm gonna want follow-ups." Obama doesn't respect the rules of this debate.

How can we expect him to respect the rules of not selling America to Russia?

10:11 – "Yeeaaa, oh wise coyote, who's answer seem strangely like an Eight Ball." – Dave W

Ask again later.

10:10 – "There haven't been this many "friends" on tv since NBC Must See TV." – Juan Valdez

10:07 – Anyone know how many "my friends" we heard so far tonight?

10:06 – The coyote, my friends, is sad about Darfur.

10:05 – From the comments: "Does the coyote think I'm getting a hummer tonight?" – Dave W

The coyote is confident.

10:01 – "We don't have time for on the job training, my friend?"

I wonder if Sarah Palin agrees.

10:00 – "Why is it more patriotic to say 'Amuhrica'?" – The Coyote

9:59 – "Did we hear the size of the fine?"

Good one, Senator Uncle.

9:56 – You see that woman in the blue dress in the background? You see that smile on her face when Obama talks?

Dude, Barack's getting a hummer after the show tonight.

Or, at least, that's what the coyote thinks.

9:55 – From the comments: "Did McCain just call Obama "that one" like my grandmother when I flooded her kitchen?" – pixie1212

9:53 – Obama will find me?!

Shit! I better hide real good like.

9:52 – From the comments: "McCain is funnier than you people." – Fresh Baked

Well, he's funnier than me. But not nearly as funny as Tom Brokaw.

9:45 – Oh, I like Lindsay Trella. In a Stiffler's mom kind of way.

9:44 – Never forget!

9:43 – "I love that McCain's main talking point is that no one likes him." – MK

I'm sure the GOP does, too.

9:40 – The coyote just informed me that Sarah Palin is Wormtongue and John McCain is Denethor.

Does anybody know what that means?

9:39 – Is somebody snoring in there?

9:37 - "Living high on the hog?" Was that a sexist comment about Sarah Palin?

9:36 – "Nailing Jell-O to the wall." That's fantastic! How'd he come up with that brilliant rejoinder?
9:34 – Hey, let's not start badmouthing people who "got drunk."

9:32 – "The first question from the internet is from a 78 year old who lived through the depression?!?" – MK

I don't believe that.

No way that person knows how to use the internet.

Follow-up joke: No fair! John McCain shouldn't be allowed to ask questions!

9:31 – How, with a straight face, can John McCain keep denigrating the bill that he just fucking signed with his own fucking pen?

9:30 – A spending freeze? How exactly would that work?

9:28 – Obama just compared oil independence to landing on the moon.

Do you have any idea how hard it would be to land on the moon today?

9:25 – The nodding woman in the audience is also smiling. That's a good sign.

However, the eye-rolling woman is frowning. That's a bad sign.

By the way, you catch that casual dropping of JFK?

9:23 – From the comments: "Dennis… I officially request a picture of you and the coyote enjoying the debate." – Copax

Sorry, Copax. The coyote dissipates when faced with photo ions.

9:20 – McCain is getting really close to these audience members. Is this the Jerry Springer show?

9:19 – "We're the best importers." I don't know. That's just funny. – Michael Kraskin

9:17 – Barack Obama will be such a handsome president.

The coyote is asking why nobody ever comments that Obama's lips are blue.

He's so wise.

9:15 – McCain's guy was not a Fannie May person! That's bullshit!

It was Freddie mac.

So, um, yeah.

9:13 – "I've got to correct a little of Senator McCain's history… not surprisingly." Jab.

9:12 – Oh, that's right. John McCain suspended his campaign to deal with the economy. But now his campaign doesn't want to talk about it.

9:08 – Brokaw is laying down the the law. He's so adorable.

9:06 – So, um, energy independence is the answer to bailing out retirees. Maybe John McCain knows something the rest of us don't.

9:03 – Good news for you people. I'm already three-quarters way through a bottle of absinthe. So, this should be a really productive liveblogging effort on my part.

However, if you're worried, i have this coyote here beside me to help me on my journey.

——

Tonight, at 9 pm (EST, which, let's get serious, is the only real time (suck it, MST!)), Barack Obama and John McCain will take the stage in Nashville, Tennessee to do as so many others have done before them: to spin yarns about financial woes, lost jobs and 1960s radical domestic terrorists.

With actual policy discussion being so last week, this should prove to be an exhilarating battle to see if Obama can say "Lehman Brothers" and "Charles Keating" more often than McCain can say "William Ayers" and "Jeremiah Wright." Definitely some nonsensical bullshit that should not be missed.

As always, we'll be liveblogging the whole thing right here in this very post. So, keep your eyes peeled, your ears open and your gag reflex well-massaged.