Obama's Shadow Campaign Platform Leaked to Racist Virginia Newspaper
Good thing you didn't cancel your subscription to the Buchanan County Voice when they raised the price to two Confederate dollars.
It seems they were the only paper in the country who got the scoop on Barack Obama's secret campaign platform– you know, the one that offers tax breaks for NAMBLA membership.
And that's just one of many highlights from the secret Obama agenda, as reported by The Voice…
"FREEDOM OF RELIGION: Mandatory Black Liberation Theology classes taught in all churches – raise taxes to pay for this mandate. Put Rev. Jeremiah Wright in charge…"
"DRUG CRISIS: Raise taxes to pay for free drugs for Obama's inner-city political base…"
"2ND AMENDMENT: Under Obama will only apply to gang-bangers, illegal aliens, Islamo-Fascist terrorists, and Senator Jim Webb's aide…"
"FOREIGN RELATIONS: Appoint Rev. Al Sharpton as Secretary of State, Jesse Jackson as UN Representative, and let Bill Clinton handle all other "foreign relations"…
"THE WHITE HOUSE: Hire rapper Ludacris to "paint it black." Taxes to be increased to buy enough paint for the job plus spray-paint for graffiti…"
"THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES: Raise taxes to send $845 billion, most of it to Africa so the Obama family there can skim off enough for them to free their goats and live the American Dream…"
"NATIONAL ANTHEM: Change to the "Black National Anthem" by James Weldon Johnson…"
"US CURRENCY: Update photos to reflect US diversity; include pictures of "great Americans" such as Oprah Winfrey, Ludacris, Sheila Jackson-Lee, Paris Hilton, and Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson. (Obama's new Secretary of the Treasury – 50 Cent refused position after learning that he would lose his crazy check if he accepted the nomination)…"
"US FLAG: Replace 50 stars with a star and crescent logo; red stripes changed to green to represent Obama's tree-hugging radical environmentalism and his lack of experience. Flag lapel pins, having become a substitute for "real patriotism," will henceforth be banned…"
The Voice columnist who broke the news is Bobby Lee May, who doubles as the treasurer of the Buchanan County Republican Party and serves on the McCain Virginia leadership team.
May, pictured at the top of this column, denies that his column was racist. He also denies weighing 300 pounds, wearing a shirt with his name on it, or living in the state of Virginia.
Which, of course, under a secret Obama administration, would be co-governed by the gay pairing of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and O.J. Simpson.
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Desperatevoter: I guess I could have just "googled" it. Whatever that word means.
@dumbhipster: Here's the last stanza:
"God of our weary years, God of our silent tears,
Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who hast by thy might Led us into the light:
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met thee;
Lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee;
Shadowed beneath thy hand May we forever stand,
True to our God, true to our native land."
I know this hymn and I love it. I'll bet Barack knows it, too. Not exactly fun, but great stuff.
Oooh, can I join that inner-city political base?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but "Paint It Black" is a Rolling Stones song, right? Perchance he's confused by the fullness of Mick Jagger's lips?
This secret Obama Agenda actually sounds like a lot of fun. I'd love to hear the lyrics for the "Black National Anthem".
I have to agree with Matt. Is this guy writing for the Onion, cause that'd be great stuff. I really can't believe this guy can be serious.
This is either the greatest piece of political satire or the dumbest guy in the United States…