From the Writers of The Daily Show: How McCain Will Get Osama
Overheard in the writers room: In Tuesday night's presidential debate, John McCain made the bold claim that he knew "how to get Osama." A few ways he might do it:
* "Craigslist. I'll put up an ad: W-4-Bin Laden. I'm not a woman, but he doesn't know that. It's foolproof."
* "I'm gonna make him a mix tape! And if that doesn't work, I'll stand outside his cave, holding a boombox over my head, playing a Peter Gabriel song. He won't be able to resist!"
* "Cheese! Terrorists can't resist cheese! Gonna put some in a trap. When he comes out of his little hidey-hole…snap! Break his terrorist neck. And, just in case he's still alive, we'll drown him in a bucket."
* "I'm gonna put a roast beef sandwich in the road, with a sign that says 'sandwich.' Then I'm gonna send away to Acme for a catapult. And if that doesn't work, my rocket-powered roller skates will."
* "I'm gonna dress up as a sexy, female terrorist, hike my skirt up a little bit. And when Osama stops his car — bam! It's already too late.
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McCain will announce to the world that he has a spot in his cabinet for a Muslim extremist, preferrably Sunni, so that the US can understand "the needs of terrorists worldwide". Candidates should send resumes with current address along with undated video tapes for consideration.
@31charlie – If John McCain knows something that others do not know about how to find and capture Osama bin Laden, then he is obliged to tell us now, not after he's elected. It would be against his oath of office (text reprinted below) to be holding back on us. If the "how" to do it is something generally known in the military, then it doesn't matter if the President knows or not. It all smells of Nixon's secret plan for withdrawal.
Oath of office, US Senate: I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.
He's going to set out a great big football-field-sized plate of hummus, with a bear trap in the middle.
Insert CIA spies into all Starbucks in the Pakistani Tribal Regions. They'll have Obama totally nailed the first time he comes in for a double latte.
TDS should take on the absurdity of the link between Bill Ayers and Obama. Obama was 8 yr old when the weathermen were in business.
You should have a skit where the weathermen are planning their activities and an young black kid keeps interrupting their planning with a request for an ice cream cone. The weathermen can tell the kid to pay attention because 40 years in the future when he is running for president some grumpy old man will accuse Obama of planning all the attacks.
jeff
DAVE com on now if it is covert secret classified
you just do it and you don't say hey osama i am coming to kill you on oct 31 see ya then sen mccain military sen obama not military but civilian earn as you learn
research him look at his record politicians lie you can tell when their mouth moves
uh, okay, I'm going to pretend I understood that, and reiterate my point: John McCain has an obligation to get bin Laden – right now!! He made an oath to protect and defend the Constitution etc. If he knows something that we don't he should hie his ass down to the Pentagon and say, "My friends, here is how to get bin Laden right now…." If he knows and doesn't do this, then he is breaking his oath of office. If he doesn't know, then he's blowing schweet schmoke up our asses. Saying "I know and you don't, but you don't get to find out nor will I act on it until you elect me President" is what we called back in the old neighborhood, in a word, bullshit.
McCain is getting a mascot for his campaign…a panderbear.
His footwear will now match his campaign history…flipflops. thank you
DEAR FRIENDS,IN CASE YOU STILL GO FOR THIS BIN LADEN STORY AS THE THE CRIMINAL MIND BEHIND 9/11,STOP AND REFLECT A LITTLE..WHO TRAINED AND PREPARED MR LADEN? AND WHY..TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHO WAS MAKSOUD IN AFGHANISTAN, ASK A DOCTOR HOW EASY IS TO HAVE DIALISIS AND MOVE AROUND IN THE MENTIONED LAND..OR IF YOU PREFER MR MUSHARAF'S PAKISTAN WE CAN ASK HIM WHO IS BEHIND HIS MOVEMENTS WITH BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WHILE THE LOCAL PEOPLE LIVE IN A REAL BAD SITUATION..ENJOY MR KARZAI'S TAYLOR…WE COULD FEED ALL THE POPULATION OF KABUL WITH ONE OF HIS PERSONAL OUFITS..AND LETS STOP TREATING THE US ELECTIONS AS A BOXING BOUT…THIS IS NO JOKE AND AMERICANS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR MANY GENERATIONS…THINK ABOUT IT AND IF YOU ARE REAL CURIOUS READ ATTENTIVELY THE LIST OF THE DEAD OF THE TWIN TOWERS…SEE WHO WAS ON THE HIGHEST FLOORS AND SEE WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY BEFORE DISAPEARING (O'NEIL??) SEE THE LIST OF THOSE THAT DID NOT COME TO WORK ON THAT DAY…BE CURIOUS,INVESTIGATE…WATERGATE….
bomb pakistan ? a little nieve politicians lie
if obama knows a way to get osoma he needs to take his self to the DOD and tell them how or where he is
it works both ways ?