October 21 at 1:00PM
From the Writers of The Daily Show: Silver Linings
With the stock market plummeting to new lows despite a federal bailout plan, Americans have been hit hard by the fear of fiscal uncertainty. But there are silver linings to even this economic crisis, for example:
* You don't need as much math to count your money
* ATMs can be turned into urinals on purpose
* There's no bulge from a wallet in your back pocket, so you'll sit more comfortably in an airplane not going anywhere
* You don't have to feel guilty for not giving homeless people money
* You finally havea use for that barrel and suspenders
* You can get more use out of that hobo Halloween costume
* Who doesn't love soup?
* Shallow materialism replaced by deep poverty
* You get to go camping all the time!
* There's no sales tax on barter
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CMED-
I have thus far viewed you as a mashugee extremist, but I can dig what you are saying here.
At my last AA meeting, I brought the house down when I spelled out for the group, the abuses in the so-called "recovery industry." How every person who enters rehab gets put on at least two psychotropic "medications." We don't need profiteers treating us like guniea pigs. Those "medications" are toxic and dangerous. Conquering addictions is done by looking at yourself and relying on your people. We don't need Nazi medicine, we don't need money. We only need each other.
the problem here is that when the north pole melts , if palin was vp , she would probably be able to watch santa drown from her bedroom window , whereas biden and obama are too far away … so they are screwed .
Love your SILVER LININGS, live on the cheap, what, are you afraid? Camping IS fun; close down the God damned Stock Market and Exchange completely, we don't need any of it, it is just a manipulative middleman clearinghouse, who really needs a middleman (investor) raising the price of car gasoline by 40% because he's diverting its delivery past his influence, Who needs middlemen having financial portfolios (investing/buying 'stock') in Adjustable Rate Mortgage packages presented to Home Buyers, THE INVESTING IN 'FUTURES' is all manipulative ungodly parasitic capitalism at its worst!!!! All we need is a good manager/coordinator to make sure all sorts of foods are grown so we have everything, there be no lacking….GET RID OF THE STOCK MARKET AND ALL THE PARASITIC SHAREHOLDERS THAT END CONSUMERS ARE MADE TO BEAR EVERYTIME THEY PURCHASE SOMETHING—-BAIL-OUT the defaulted/ing home owners and let them make good on their payments, give them 900 year mortgages if that is what it takes, Bail-out individual's 401K Retirement Funds if their income is less then 6 figures, Bail-out individual's 529 College Funds, as individuals have more income give less and less Bail-out up to No Bail-out for the real wealthy, they can absorb the loss—–the whole concept of the Stock Market stinks, personal profit in good times and socialized losses in bad times Ha! that stinks…Close the Stock Market for forever THEN WE CAN ALL LIVE IN GOLDEN TIMES AND NOT NEED THE SILVER
Creativity blossoms. Aluminum cans suddenly have as many uses as duct tape.
Overripe fruit seems somewhat appetizing.
Americans will lose so much weight that airlines will be able to transport that second piece of luggage for free.
I don't get why this is important… no mention of Bill Ayres at all!
Cindy McCain becomes your role model as prescription pain medication helps unemployment lines feel more like Disneyland…without the guilt.
You catch up on years of missed soap operas while job offers and unemployment checks run out.