Over the weekend, John McCain drew laughter and applause for mocking Barack Obama's position on nuclear energy…

"We talk about offshore drilling and he said he would quote, consider, offshore drilling. We talked about nuclear power, well it has to be safe, environment, blah, blah, blah."

Here's you: That's a puzzlingly reckless and flippant thing to say. After all, we certainly want to explore as many alternative energy sources as possible, but who doesn't favor responsibility and safety when dealing with anything, let alone something as unstable and potentially dangerous as nuclear power. Does John McCain want us to plug our refrigerators directly into radioactive isotopes or what?

Here's me: Shut up, pussy. What has nuclear safety and environmental responsibility ever gotten us? I don't know, but I know what it hasn't gotten us: Superheroes. We can't win the war on terror without more superheroes and we can't get more superheroes without freak nuclear accidents. I know that, and John McCain knows that. Also, flipper babies. We need lots more flipper babies.