Dude, if Ted Stevens were 1/3 his current age, African-American, weighed 300 pounds and listened to hip-hop, he would so be Kwame Kilpatrick!

Think about it. Both the Alaska Senator and the former Detroit mayor have…

* Stood accused of felonies committed through abuse of their offices.

* Been convicted on all charges.

* Given pork a really bad name.

The only difference is that Kilpatrick beat Stevens to jail…

Kwame Kilpatrick was sent to jail for four months Tuesday for his part in a sex-and-text scandal and the judge chastised the disgraced ex-mayor for arrogance and disregard for the rule of law.

Wayne County Circuit Judge David Groner's sentence was the finale to the scandal that destroyed Kilpatrick's reign at City Hall and threw local government into disarray for months.

To break down Kilpatrick's sentence, that's…

* 1/4 year for every sheriff's deputy he assaulted.

* 2 months for every jail bond he violated.

* 17 weeks for every exotic dancer killed within hours of fighting with his wife.

* 1 day for every 116 dirty text-messages he sent on a state-owned pager.

Stevens, by comparison, could be looking at upwards of 35 years in prison. To break that down, that's 1 year for every $97,142,857 he's sent to Alaska in pork-barrel spending since 1995.

And zero years for every "internet" he's received from his staff.