As though life wasn't hard enough for John McCain these days — what with having to read about his former political rival sitting down with the world's foremost economic experts, while he eats cupcakes with talking heads from I Love the 80s — now he has to deal with this piece of trash recently purported by the trashy, but uncomfortably reliable (as of late), National Enquirer…

The ENQUIRER's exclusive bombshell expose as Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy, is caught with another man! Not only that but multiple witnesses have caught the pair lip locking on several other occasions.

"I couldn't believe I was watching Cindy McCain passionately kissing and hugging another man!" That's the stunned reaction of an eyewitness who says he watched in shock — and snapped photos — as the former presidential candidate's wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles "a washed-up '80s rock musician."

I took a long look at the photo provided, and I have to say that it definitely resembles a woman of some sort who has hair on top of her head kissing something that looks like a man. (It's either that or some sort of sea creature briefly rising above the surface of a dark lake.)

I double-checked the facts: Cindy McCain is a woman, and she does have hair. Whether or not she knows how to kiss is still open to debate.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think that the National Enquirer has rested its case.