If you're anything like Sarah Palin, Willie Nelson or Joe the Plumber, you're none too fond of paying taxes. Maybe you skip out entirely, like they've sometimes done. Well, here's a solution to your woes: Buy a bank! You can use their debt as a billion-dollar tax write-off!

If you don't believe me, just ask the Bush Treasury Department! They made it a law, for average Joes just like you! Just follow these simple instructions:

1. Buy a bank for well over a billion dollars. Make sure it's one that owes billions more in debt, like Wachovia.

2. If you need a loan, just ask the Treasury Department. (See, they're with you every step of the way!)

3. Claim that bank's multi-billion dollar debt as a tax write-off. You won't be paying Uncle Sam another dime until Jenna Bush is President.

4. Because you're getting more in tax breaks than you actually paid for the damn thing, you're actually getting paid to buy this bank!

5. Call yourself Wells Fargo & Co.

Now isn't that a great plan? Why not get started by–

Wait, what's that loud whining I hear? Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY)?? What are you bitching about now?

"I am concerned that the notice, which was never debated by Congress, could end up costing taxpayers tens of billions of more dollars on top of the hundreds of billions of dollars already approved by Congress in the financial rescue plan," Schumer wrote, referring to this month's $700 billion financial industry bailout.

Schumer's complaint is that individual taxpayers will pay higher rates and the national debt will balloon, while the banks actually make money for being so shittily managed. He also says that this law is going destroy competition by encouraging all the banks merge into one giant one as a way to never pay taxes.

Well cry me a river, Chuck. There's no way that such a thing will ever happen, and you can take that to the bank.

Specifically the First National TDAmeriCitiCountryWellsChaseWachoviPNCNorthSouthEastWestLincolnWashington- VanBuerenNixon Bank.

They've got an ATM in your bathroom.