After the success of Oliver Stone's W., Columbia Pictures decided to bring tell the life story of the most explosive and controversial figure to ever clean up Nixon's dog's poop from off the Oval Office rug.

Columbia is bringing the story of Eugene Allen, a black man who served as a White House butler for 34 years, to the big screen.

I'm happy that Hollywood finally found a way to make a political film that will tackle all the important political things this movie will tackle. Like, how great America is and how everyone serves our country in their own unique way. This movie will not back down!

Allen started at the White House as a "pantry man" in 1952 when blacks weren't allowed to use public restrooms in his native Virginia. He served presidents as racial history was being made, from Brown v. Board of Education to the 1963 march on Washington to the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and President John F. Kennedy.

I can only imagine the inspiring things said during the pitch meeting…

Greasy Literary Agent: "It's like Driving Miss Daisy meets Forest Gump minus the mental retardation shit. We'll get so many Oscars we'll be able to send some as gifts to our secret underage Aspen wives."

Hollywood Big Shot: "I like your spunk, kid. Let's make this here picture!"

This movie is so politically loaded, it won't even back down when tackling the election of our most universally beloved President-elect.

Allen and his wife of 65 years talked and marveled at the fact that a black man could be president. But on Election Day, Allen cast his vote alone; his wife died the day before.

Actually, that's pretty touching. I take back my snarkiness. This movie has won me over. Let's give it Oscars right away now, okay?

I bet you one million dollars this movie will make my mom cry.

(photo via Washington Post)