Election Day

We know that November 3, 2009 isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right? Take a look at these six elections and let us know how much you care.

No Fair Health Care

This former McCain campaign advisor on health care is going to loose his coverage. No, seriously.

Christie v. Python

Find out how to tell copyright infringement from quite a far way away by examining Rep. Chris Christie's campaign ad.

Daily Bloomberg

Watch these videos and take a trip down Memory Lane, where the flowers are always in Bloomberg.
November 21 at 11:38AM

Franken, Coleman Vote Counting Disrupted by Lizard People

POSTED BY: G. Xavier Robillard

I've always wondered about America's pathetic voter turnout. 60% is not a passing grade, students. But then I realized that voting is really, really hard.

I mean sure, there are bubbles with names like the ones lots of people have filled out in standardized tests, but the problem with elections is they obviously don't give you enough ballots to practice on. And you have to use a pen and no erasing!

As both the Norm Coleman and Al Franken legal teams challenge ballots for the Minnesota Senate race, you realize just how many mistakes people make. There are ballots with identifying marks, write-ins that people didn't bother voting for, votes in pencil, filled-in vote bubbles that were crossed out and a giant NO next to Coleman's name where both Coleman and Franken have been chosen.

In the famous Beltrami County ballot that will be the Hanging Chad of Aught Eight, a reptilian-American wrote-in "Lizard People" for President. Though the voter chose Al Franken for Senate, he/she filled in the write-in line as well for the Lizard People. It was thrown out by the county as an over vote.

Several questions arise: Should the county have accepted the Franken vote? Does the voter consider Al Franken equivalent to the Lizard People? Is Lizard People a collective, or just one person like Cat Power? If elected, will the Lizard People rule benignly or will they control us with their forked-tongue tyranny?

  1. wow this is really sad all he did was put lizard plp on his ballot and he got a segmet on tv plp have serious entertainment issues……wow….

    by y do u want my name stalker??? November 23rd at 9:09PM
  2. SETTLE DOWN G!!!! THEMS FIGHTIN' WORDS! Look, just because Tre's teeth are falling out because of a nasty heroin problem and just because Mike likes to photograph the little children of Hell's Angels, doesn't mean they won't sound like the ultimate in Heavenly melodies when they return. Plus, they went to my alma mater, got their start in the dorms, and were the best thing to come out of there since John Dewey (and me). I'm fired up for their return. They have a whole slew of songs dedicated to The Lizard. Bite your forked tongue. I like The Doors enough but, The End? Worst song of all time. At least Phish doesn't have that trophy. I miss Jerry and The Dead. Eddies in rehab (but I caught VH with Wolfgang before his hiatus). New music sucks. Phish is coming back and I can flashback to my college daze in the early 90's. Phish's New Year's show for the Millennium was awesome. And, if you ingest plenty of nitrous, it doesn't matter what they sound like. I miss the balloons. Heavy things man.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAC9DzV-tGs

    by Cube November 21st at 5:25PM
  3. Apparently the Phish-people haven't spent their entire hiatus working out their vocal harmonies. Pity.

    by G. Xavier Robillard November 21st at 4:08PM
  4. Yeah I come from the Land of Lizards…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QwWj9XTbI

    THEY'RE BACK!

    by Cube November 21st at 3:22PM
  5. hey Lizard People, you had your chance with electing Jim Morrison "Lizard King." It's time to admit this was a disaster and return to your nicely radiant rock.

    by G. Xavier Robillard November 21st at 2:19PM
  6. Thank you for making such a fuss about my ballot. It gives me great honor to know that my vote really counts…

    by Mostly Harmless November 21st at 1:32PM
  7. I'd like to thank everyone for making such a big stink about my vote. It gives me great honor to be known all over the internet as the "lizard people" voter.

    by Mostly harmless November 21st at 1:30PM
  8. Bill Laimbeer is really pissed the Sleestacks didn't get any votes.

    by Cube November 21st at 1:13PM

Leave a Reply

CONTACT US

FEATURES

Johnston's Johnson

Before the end of the year, John McCain will stare into the maw Levi Johnston's penis. And he will weep.

Grand Ol' Census

That census form you just received in the mail is okay to fill out because it's not actually a census form!

CAPTION CHALLENGE

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Robert Gibbs was Luke's father?

LAST WEEK'S WINNER

"Healthcare legislation is like taking a dump this big. Sure it may hurt, but once it passes it feels soooo good."
Sumbitted by: flasunbum

HEADLINE ANAGRAMS

Submit Your Anagrams

Help us find the secret liberal code hidden in, "Republicans Bask in Glow of Victories in N.J. and Va.". Submit your anagrams to this week's challenge!

INDECISION IS EVERYWHERE


Start following TheInDecider now!

POLITICAL ADDICTIONARY