Researchers at the Center for Public Integrity have decided, for some reason, that what our depressed, anxious country needs right now is a long list of super-depressing numbers that show, in minute detail, just how screwed up America has become since 2000.

The Center's "Broken Government" project, unveiled today, purports to catalog eight years of executive branch failures under George W. Bush. Want a taste? Grab your selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor and pull up a chair…

* 45 million Americans without health care

* 190,000 U.S.-supplied weapons missing in Iraq

* $100 billion in federal tax revenues lost annually to corporations using off-shore tax shelters

* 275 largest U.S. corporations pay, on average, about 17 percent in taxes in 2007, half the standard corporate tax rate

* $45 trillion in credit-default swaps, without federal oversight, in 2007

* 2,640 days Osama bin Laden at large since September 11, 2001 (as of December 10, 2008)

And, you know, this is just the kind of naysaying that certain NPR-listening, environment-enjoying, golden retriever-having types always do. Why couldn't we make a list of this administration's successes since 2000? For example:

* 2 funky dance routines

* 1 memorable reading of "The Pet Goat"

* 5 years since major combat operations in Iraq ended!

* 1,583 acres of brush cleared in Texas

See? That wasn't so hard. I could probably even think of a few more, if I weren't hiding under my desk, groping for the ulcer medication I can no longer afford.