In the rural hamlet where I was raised, locals always marked the appointment of a new Agriculture Secretary by gathering in the town square to recite facts about the new Agriculture Secretary while gazing at pictures of puppies. Then we ate pie and drowned the witches.

So it is my pleasure to begin this celebration of Tom Vilsack, Barack Obama's choice for Agriculture Secretary.

* Tom Vilsack was the governor of Iowa, a corn-oriented state. He sure knows his corn. Corn and Tom Vilsack go way back, on the cob, off the cob, whatever.

* "Mr. Vilsack, a native of Pittsburgh, moved to Iowa to live in the hometown of his college-sweetheart-turned-wife, Christie Vilsack." (Aww.)

* "His career in politics was unexpectedly born in 1986 when a disgruntled resident of Mount Pleasant barged into a City Council meeting and killed the mayor. Mr. Vilsack stepped in to serve as mayor." (?!)

* According to some people, Tom Vilsack is a shill for Monsanto and an overall terrible person.

This concludes our traditional celebration of new Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. See you over at the dunking pool!