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January 20 at 11:22AM

Dick Cheney is Now Literally Hell on Wheels

POSTED BY: Karen Lurie


We've all been there. A long-term relationship has come to an end and you have to move your stuff into a new place.

It's stressful on a good day, and everyone knows that lifting heavy boxes while your body is already stressed is a recipe for injury.

Imagine how much harder it must be if your heart is made of pistons and Satan's diesel-grade saliva.

So look for former Vice President Dick Cheney (is it too early to say that? It is? Meh, fuck it) to be in a wheelchair at the inauguration today.

But I think he'll probably walk again, just like the man in the picture above — IF the right kind of leader inspires him.

  1. I'm sorry, I thought he looked like the nazi from Raider's of The Lost Ark.

    by Blake January 26th at 3:35PM
  2. did he injure himself trying to move the man-sized safes? Is he taking the incriminating evidence with him? Will they be ugly hulks (sans combinations) waiting for Biden to clean up?

    by Lisa in Shelton January 21st at 5:05PM
  3. Poor Mr. Cheney… His legs simply couldn't hold him upright anymore; I guess that's what you get when you "carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." :P Time for his daily IV of panda tears and angel blood! Will Mr. Cheney have to pay for this medication himself, now that he's a private citizen?!? ;P

    by Tracy Frye January 21st at 4:14PM
  4. How did Dick Cheney really hurt his back?

    See http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/01/20/cheney-on-wheels/

    by Mike Licht January 21st at 7:23AM
  5. Connect the dots…Secret energy policy meetings, taking over NORAD in April of 01', scrambling our air defenses to the Canadian border the morning of 9/11 & the resulting invasion of Iraq. This pariah has been profiteering from this bogus "war" & his personal wealth has increased 30 fold since his regime took office. Someday when the emasculated media grows a pair perhaps they'll dig for the truth & what this man has wrought will be brought into the light of day.

    by Mike J January 20th at 4:56PM
  6. I see Mr. Lebowski

    "Wait, let me explain something to you,"…"I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So, that's what you call me. You know, that, or 'His Dudeness,' or 'Duder,' or 'El Dudarino,' if you're not into the whole brevity thing."

    by Tony January 20th at 4:01PM
  7. Even before I clicked into here I was gonna say Cheney has morphed into Dr. Strangelove.
    Keep an eye on that right hand!!!

    by Pat (in Belgium) January 20th at 2:26PM
  8. And even before I clicked in here I was gonna say Cheney has morphed into Dr. Strangelove!
    Keep an eye on that right hand!!!

    by Pat (in Belgium) January 20th at 2:24PM
  9. i don't believe for a second he was moving anything. this man is too rich for physical labor. i call bullshit!

    by ron January 20th at 2:13PM

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