President Obama's staffers had a rude awakening when they arrived at their new desks this week: it seems the government-issue White House technology is, well, government-issue…

"It is kind of like going from an Xbox to an Atari," Obama spokesman Bill Burton said of his new digs.

The team members, accustomed to working on Macintoshes, found computers outfitted with six-year-old versions of Microsoft software. Laptops were scarce, assigned to only a few people in the West Wing. The team was left struggling to put closed captions on online videos.

What?!

Windows XP? In a D.C. office building? Who ever heard of such a thing?

In other news, the Obama team was shocked to discover that the "solar-powered aromatherapy transport tube" their boss had promised them is just this weird dingy thing the locals call a "Metro."