Getting Killed by Volcanoes for America!
That "volcano monitoring" remark in Bobby Jindal's speech the other night may have passed a lot of people by without making much of an impression.
David Rees (formerly of Get Your War On) is not one of those people…
Did you know the USA government wants to spend your money on something called "Volcano Monitoring?" Are you kidding me?
Like Jindal said, "Americans can do anything," and that includes monitoring our own damn volcanoes. Seriously, how hard can it be? It's probably like ice fishing. Just get some binoculars and some graph paper and a thermometer and sit around looking at a stupid volcano and every once in a while, write down some data, like, "The volcano is still sitting there, lookin' like an off-brand mountain with a hole in it. 10 + 50 – 20. Pie chart."…
Ladies and gentlemen, Americans can do anything! Let's prove it to the world! LET'S ALL GET KILLED BY VOLCANOES!
I don't know about you, but I regret that I have but one life to get killed by a volcano.
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Remember: Americans can do anything. They don't expect the government to fix everything, like, say, broken levees, for example. True Americans aren't afraid of the drama and risk of the fast rising sea waters — the transformative thrill of creative destruction — the stifling deluge of the (un)expected overflow — the dynamism of having your outmoded public housing unit submerged in the dank quagmire of innovation — the full-throated cries of agony as yesterday's losers are turned to bloated log-like floating corpses and new, more productive members of society are birthed!
Ladies and gentlemen, Americans can do anything! Let's prove it to the world! LET'S ALL GET SUBMERGED LIKE NEW ORLEANIANS!