Barack Obama promised us a fucking dog when he got back from Europe. He's back from Europe. Where's the fucking dog?

[Yesterday] afternoon at a planting event at the White House vegetable garden, CBS News’ Mark Knoller asked First Lady Michelle Obama when the newest member of the family would arrive at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

"Soon!" Mrs. Obama said.

The always-tenacious Knoller followed up: "How soon?"

"Sooon!" the first lady said.

I'm sorry, but "sooon" isn't sooon enough for me. I — personally, as an American — need for Sasha and Malia Obama to get their new little dog sooooooooooon. (I was gonna say, "soooooooooooooooooooooooon," but I didn't want to seem unreasonable.)

This country has been asked to endure a lot these past couple months. Record unemployment rates. Money taken out of our paychecks and slipped into the bonus envelopes of Wall Street bankers. Fucking pirates attacking us at sea! Come on! Is it to much to ask for the President to just make good on his promise to us to make good on his promise to his daughters?!

You know what? I don't even need it to be a First Dog anymore. I'll take a First Cat. Or a First Ferret. Hell, I'll take a First Turtle. Anything!

Anything that'll make us forget — for a few minutes — how pooooooor we are.