Oh no! Have you heard?!

Our legislative branch of government has become infested… with SOCIALISTS!!!

[Rep. Spencer Bachus] Bachus, the usually soft-spoken ranking Republican on the House Financial Services Committee, surprised a Birmingham News reporter last week by claiming there are 17 "socialists" in Congress.

When asked for specifics, Bachus named only one legislator — Sanders, a self-described "democratic socialist," whose vision of a socialist safety net is more Stockholm than Stalingrad.

Bachus' spokesman hasn't responded to numerous requests from Politico to name the other 16 lawmakers.

So what?! Bachus can't or won't name the other 16 socialists in Congress. That doesn't mean they don't exist. When my old apartment back in Philly became infested with mice, I didn't learn all of their names. Just, like, a few of them.

And you know what? That community of mice, with all their huddling together for warmth and sharing food and relying on one another for survival. Turned out they were socialists, too. That's why I didn't mind exterminating them; I felt it was my patriotic duty.

I tell you what Rep. Bachus should do is leave a mix a little chlorophacinone into a proposed bill for increased governmental oversight of corporations and then leave it behind the congressional refrigerator. Its effects come about very slowly, so the socialists won't learn to associate them with the populist policies.

Only problem is the congressional halls can get pretty rank if you're not diligent about cleaning them out afterward.