Waterboarding as a Way of Life
Crazy information about things that our country was doing during the Bush regime continues to dribble out…
C.I.A. interrogators used waterboarding, the near-drowning technique that top Obama administration officials have described as illegal torture, 266 times…
266 times?! Jesus! They must have been waterboarding left and right. They must have been waterboarding tons of people, right?
…on two key prisoners from Al Qaeda, far more than had been previously reported.
Two people?! What the hell. That seems like overkill. I guess that means each one must have be been waterboarded around 133 times each…
The C.I.A. officers used waterboarding at least 83 times in August 2002 against Abu Zubaydah, according to a 2005 Justice Department legal memorandum. Abu Zubaydah has been described as a Qaeda operative.
That's not an even split. That would leave a whole lot more than half for the other guy…
The 2005 memo also says that the C.I.A. used waterboarding 183 times in March 2003 against…
Who?! Who could they have possibly had in their custody who would deserve to be waterboarded 183 times?! In a single month?!
…Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the self-described planner of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.
Oh, well… I am very angry in theory. Theoretically, I am most perturbed that our country would do such a thing. Wrong. Just very, very wrong.
However…
We're all in agreement that the United States should not be waterboarding prisoners 183 times in a one month, right? But, let's say — just hypothetically speaking — that we had to do it to somebody. Like, for some strange, crazy reason.
If that were the case… I guess that guy would be the one to do it to, right?
But, seriously, terrible.
Oh, and fuck that guy.
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Never mind that he already spilled the beans before they even did the first waterboarding… So the 183 times, got them nothing.
What ever happened to the good old days of hitting them a dose of LSD and having someone dress like their mothers show up while they are tripping? I mean seriously, these guys were probably batshit insane by the end of it. How could even trust the information you are getting from them?
I'm going to take a wild guess here: I'm guessing if waterboarding a prisoner doesn't work the first 182 times, it might not work the 183 time. But then again, if they had only been allowed to do it the 184th time… that one might have actually worked.