If Internet bullshit was biodegradable, the nonsense generated on Earth Day would destroy the Earth single-handedly. These five things from throughout this past Earth Day would be amongst the biggest causes…

5. This is All Just Some Kind of Financial Scam Somehow

Comedian Jeffrey Jena, on Big Hollywood, warns us all of a terrible financial scam that's been circulating the globe called Giving Just a Little Bit of a Shit About the Environment…

Today the granddaddy of all financial scams will be launched again. It is known as "Earth Day." Do not fall for this scam! This con game may seem like a new idea, but it's been around since the seventies, just like Mr. Obama's "new" idea about saving the country by building some light rail. This scam seems to pop up every Spring in one form or another. This scam has also been circulated under the names; "Global Warming," "Climate Change," "The Green Movement," and "Ecology."

Bah! Ecology. Fuck "the branch of biology dealing with the relations and interactions between organisms and their environment, including other organisms"!

Science. What a sham!

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4. Why Not Extend Your Enviro-Guilt Into the Bedroom?

Writing on HuffPo, Dave Burdick magnanimously shares five of his fantastically useful secrets for how to not destroy all life on the planet while getting laid…

In Chicago, there's sex toy delivery by bike. Heck of a business model. For when you really need something, you're concerned about your carbon footprint and can't afford the time to leave home for… whatever reason.

How incredibly useful! I can't tell you how many times I've needed to stick a dildo up my ass right away, but couldn't bring myself to add the addition 0.000000000000076% of carbon to the atmosphere by driving over myself.

Actually, though, I have an even easier way to help save the Earth during sex.

Use a condom.

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3. The Real Purpose of Vaccines Is to Give Your Kids Autism

I don't know if this officially counts as an Earth Day article or not. But it's Earth Day-esque and was posted on Earth Day.

Jim Carrey — again on HuffPo — is mad that people who understand how the scientific process works seem to be getting tired of his wife Jenny McCarthy's idiotic tirade against useful, life-saving vaccines…

Recently, I was amazed to hear a commentary by CNN's Campbell Brown on the controversial vaccine issue. After a ruling by the 'special vaccine court' saying the Measles, Mumps, Rubella shot wasn't found to be responsible for the plaintiffs' autism, she and others in the media began making assertions that the judgment was in, and vaccines had been proven safe.

No one would be more relieved than Jenny and I if that were true. [Ed Note: No comment.] But with all due respect to Ms. Brown, a ruling against causation in three cases out of more than 5000 hardly proves that other children won't be adversely affected by the MMR, let alone that all vaccines are safe.

Oh, aren't you so tired of Big Vaccine always pushing its weight around like that? Always trying to vaccinate babies so that diseases — that modern science can completely hold back — can stop killing children. Always trying trying to inject them with autism.

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2. Earth Day Is Coming for Your Children!

Meghan Cox Gurdon, writes in the WSJ, about the environmentalists' plot to make your children into considerate human beings…

Contemporary children are so drenched with eco-propaganda that it's almost a waste of resources. Like acid rain, but more persistent and corrosive, it dribbles down on them all day long. They get it at school, where recycling now competes with tolerance as man's highest virtue. They get it in peppy "go green" messages online, on television and in magazines.

I remember the first time my parents saw me recycle a bottle. My mom cried and cried. My dad kicked me out of the house.

Don't let this happen to your kids.

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1. Maybe People Deserve to Be Shrugged Off the Planet

This is a poll from NewsBusters…

Sigh.