Hey, listen people. Now, I don't want to disturb you, but right now — as you're reading these words — there's a werewolf just around the corner from your desk and a little down the hall.

Okay, now, calm down. Don't do anything hasty. Just understand that the person around the corner and down the hall from you may look nice and innocent enough, but he is, in fact, a horrible, supernatural killer who has taken countless scores of lives already and will take many, many, many more. Unless somebody does something about it. Which I am not saying that you should do. And especially not with a silver bullet (available for purchase here).

All I'm saying is that werewolves are evil, unholy foot soldiers of the Devil who want to tear the limbs from every member of your family — especially the young and vulnerable ones — and that it is every decent person's responsibility to rid the Earth of their presence through whatever means they find most suitable inside their heart of hearts. Just so long as it's anything violent, okay? Because that would be the wrong way to behave toward this soulless, inhuman monster.

Look, I don't want to use hyperbole, so I'll just say that gallons of caustic, liquefied malice pump through that werewolf's fetid veins every additional second that it is allowed to breathe. Try not to think about that.

And, also, try not to imagine the most wholesome and virginal young girl being torn from her bed and dragged out into the middle of the forest where the half-man/half-beast's murderous claws rip through her white cotton nightgown and its powerful jaws close around her fragile throat. Believe me, you don't wanna go down that road.

Anyway, you shouldn't be worrying about this kind of thing. So, take your mind off it. Why not read something distracting and non-werewolf related? Like this article about how Bill O'Reilly is suddenly attempting to distance himself, for some strange reason, from everything he said about George Tiller prior to his killing.