Here's a brand new, must-have edition of America's founding document and the basis of everything the country stands for: The American Patriot's Bible!

But you may be asking yourself: What's wrong with my old Bible, the one that Jesus descended from Heaven to hand over to George Washington after he crossed the Delaware? Nothing. That's Bible is fine. But this one's better. Because it comes with conservative talking points!

"This Bible is designed for the decent, hardworking core of America, the ordinary man or woman who loves this nation and believes it springs from godly roots," says Richard G. Lee, a Southern Baptist pastor from Georgia who served as the Bible's general editor.

"Christians have believed all along that this nation sprung from Judeo-Christian ethics. Now they can say, "Oh, now I know where this uniqueness comes from in our nation's history."'…

Lee sprinkles his Bible with some 300 articles about "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," the right to keep and bear arms, the war in Iraq and religious broadcasting.

It's so sad how many people forget that Jesus died on that cross to protect the 2nd Amendment. And his apostles could have shot him out of there if only they were allowed to carry a fully automatic assault rifles.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm getting a kind of heavy bi-partisan — really, "non-partisan" — vibe off of this Bible which is so obviously trying to tear down the wall between church and state. Do you think that was Lee's goal? I'll bet it was…

His goal was to create a "non-partisan" Bible, but he quotes Republican Ronald Reagan more times than Democrats Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Lyndon Johnson and John F. Kennedy combined.

In an interview, Lee said he doesn't even know if Carter, a fellow Georgian and longtime Baptist Sunday school teacher, is a Christian. As for President Obama? "I haven't seen any patriotism from him yet."

Plus, isn't he a Muslim? So, can he even be patriotic?

(via Pam's House Blend)