The Secret Service Better Keep a Look Out for the Creator of the Universe
Holy shit! God — the Lord Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth — has it in for Barack Obama! At least, that's what Southern Baptist minister and former VP candidate Wiley Drake* recently told Alan Colmes…
Colmes: So you're praying for the death of the president of the United States?
Drake: Yes… I think it's appropriate to pray for the will of God. I'm not saying anything, what I'm doing is repeating what God is saying…
Wow! God is apparently saying that He wants Barack Obama to die. I wonder what Obama did to Him specifically. I'll bet they're fighting over Joe Biden's soul. Knowing that guy, he probably sold it to both of them while drunk on Genny Cream Ale. You know what I'm saying? (I'm saying Joe Biden is like my Uncle Albert.)
But, hey, I guess this also means that God isn't capable of just killing Barack Obama on His own and has to go around complaining about him to friends like Wiley Drake. Maybe what He needs people's prayers because they help charge His all-powerful battery pack that He uses for smiting people.
It's amazing how much I learn from religious people.
* With Alan Keyes, obviously.
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Considering that "Lord's name in vein" is an everyday phrase in our language in reference to swearing, it might be worth looking into the fact that the ACTUAL sin is to claim that what you are saying is God's word. For double bonus pathway to Hell, clarify that you specifically are NOT saying anything, but that your words are God's ONLY.
Don't worry, folks. He will know his reward.
Remember, folks: when you do whatever the box of fish sticks in your freezer tells you to, you're batshit insane. When you do whatever an invisible man in the sky tells you to, you're doing God's will.
I would pray for Wiley's death if I didn't think that was a totally repulsive thing to do. When did God tell him he wants Obama dead? Right now he seems to be telling me to vomit.