Congratulations to Glenn Beck for getting his first-ever (actually, probably not) piece of Infantilism Fetish fan fiction! He really has made it!

Glenn Beck sat at the head of a long table, enjoying a fine, populist cigar and a very expensive glass of humble whiskey, all paid for with money that he had earned by pulling up his Italian leather bootstraps. His fellow dinner party guests were finishing the last bites of foie gras and caviar and lobster and other delicacies. It was a peasant's meal, really, if you thought about it. Because peasants were always very hungry, and Glenn Beck had eaten a lot, the way that a very hungry person would.

"Glenn, give us a blustery, unfounded opinion that you seem to think is filled with jokes but actually has no jokes in it," someone said.

Glenn Beck began to talk about the way that politicians were dismantling the United States. His face flushed red and he banged his fist on the table and in keeping with the request, he made absolutely no sense. At one point, he began to cry like a baby, and then he burst into laughter at something that was definitively unfunny. Something to do with the Afghani opium trade's funding of the Taliban as they hid in the dangerous mountains of Waziristan.

"That's good," Glenn Beck said, "I should save that for my next simulcast comedy show." And then Glenn Beck peed his diaper.

You really should read the whole thing over on Videogum.