Unemployment Report Suggests an Uptick in Homicidal Economists

Experts on the television had been warning that today's jobs report would show an unemployment rate as high as 9.8%, which is dangerously close to 10%, which is the terrible number at which we are all forced into solar-powered shantytowns on the White House grounds, where we will forage for food from Michelle Obama's organic garden.

Well, America, heave a sigh of relief, because at long last we're on the upswing less of a downswing…

In a reversal, the unemployment rate dropped to 9.4 percent from 9.5 percent, defying expectations of an increase.

Oh, but p.s.:

Economists cautioned that the unemployment rate had only declined because 400,000 people gave up their search for work and left the labor force.

"Leaving the labor force," so that's what they're calling it now? Heading for the big breadline in the sky? Shuffling off this mortal temp agency listing? Going the way of all COBRA?

I had no idea economists were so sinister, and yet so practical! For instance, suppose we wanted to, hmmm, reduce the number of Americans who don't have health insurance. As an example. So how about we just… reduce the number of Americans who don't have health insurance, if you get my meaning?

Some of 'em have been sick for a while, so they'd probably be easy to catch.