On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen announced that incumbent Afghan President Hamid Karzai had received the valuable endorsement of warlord Abdul Rashid Dostum. Now, if Karzai can just solidify support among the NASCAR Gun-Runners and Soccer Human Traffickers, he'll have this election in the bag. The bag will then be swallowed and transported in the stomach of an election mule.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.