Did you hear that? That was the sound of your opposite marriage relationship crashing into a ravine of disaffection under the oppressive weight of some strangers that you'll never ever meet's newly legal vows to one another…

After 17 years together, Bill Slimback and Bob Sullivan couldn't wait another minute to get married. So they didn't. With Vermont's new law allowing same-sex marriage only a minute old, they tied the knot in a midnight ceremony at a rustic lodge, becoming one of the first couples to legally wed under a law that took effect at midnight Monday…

"It feels wonderful," said Slimback, 38, an out-of-work Teamster who is taking Sullivan's last name as his own. "It's a day I've been long waiting for, and a day I truly honestly thought would never come."

Bah! A couple of perverts like that just make you sick, don't they? No benevolent God could ever smile upon a union like that, obviously.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a very busy schedule. These puppies protecting baby chicks aren't going to kick themselves, ya know.